
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8458111.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS
  Relationship:
      Jeon_Jungkook/Kim_Taehyung_|_V, Jeon_Jungkook/Jung_Hoseok_|_J-Hope, Min
      Yoongi_|_Suga/Park_Jimin
  Character:
      Jeon_Jungkook, Kim_Taehyung_|_V, Kim_Namjoon_|_Rap_Monster, Kim_Seokjin_|
      Jin, Jung_Hoseok_|_J-Hope, Min_Yoongi_|_Suga, Park_Jimin_(BTS)
  Additional Tags:
      Friends_With_Benefits, Heavy_Angst, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Explicit
      Language, Light_BDSM, Hyung_Kink, Dom/sub_Undertones, Rimming, Begging,
      Recreational_Drug_Use, Underage_Drinking, Alternate_Universe_-_College/
      University, Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Choking, Roughhousing, Body
      Worship, Multiple_Orgasms, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Minor_Original
      Character(s), Underage_Sex, Friends_to_Lovers, Praise_Kink, Needy
      Jungkook, Top_Taehyung, Bottom_Jungkook, Dirty_Talk, an_excessive_amount
      of_crying_tbh
  Series:
      Part 2 of Highs_and_Lows
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-11-14 Words: 32020
****** Empty Spaces (Don't Talk About It) ******
by officialmaknae
Summary
     Jeongguk has the habit of reading too much into things, especially
     when it comes to Taehyung. He isn't sure how it came to this - but he
     knows he's in too deep.
Notes
     this took so fucking long i am so sorry. this is also really fucking
     long and i am still so sorry.
See the end of the work for more notes
Jeongguk’s looking up at the ceiling, the mattress underneath him altogether
too  hot , and honestly, he would much rather the drink in his hand be water,
but water doesn’t distract you from anything. Liquor does -  oh, it does  - so
he can hold off on water. Besides, he doesn’t want to be the only one here
sober. After all, Taehyung and Jimin have graduated, and that calls for
celebration, right?
So that’s what he tells himself, deciding that he’s being a killjoy keeping
himself holed up in Jimin’s room while there’s a party going on downstairs. He
had escaped under the rouse of using the bathroom, but he’s been gone for
fifteen minutes. The others will notice soon. He sits up, the room already
starting to have the slightest bit of a spin, but that doesn’t stop him from
lifting his red solo cup back up to his lips. Jimin does a good job at mixing
his drinks, he’ll admit, because he knows there’s more alcohol in there than
he’s tasting, and he’s grateful.
It sucks, he thinks as he carefully makes his way back down the stairs, being
the youngest in his group of friends. He has several acquaintances in his own
grade, it would be impossible not to, but they’re not Yoongi or Hoseok or any
of the other boys. And Jeongguk knows that it’s not the end of the world - far
from it - but he supposes that he’s trying to focus more on the fact that he’s
going to be alone rather than face the fact that he actually has to get his
shit together to get into a decent university. That thought is sobering and
he’s immediately pushing it away. God, he’s so lost and has no idea what to do
now that he isn’t going to see Jimin and Taehyung every day. Not like they had
the same classes or anything, but it was still reassuring knowing that he could
find them if he really needed them.
Yeah , he decides.  It sucks.
Taehyung is the first to spot him once he resurfaces, throwing an arm around
his shoulder and pulling him back into the mass of people. Jimin had told them
that it was a graduation party for all of the seniors, and honestly, it kind of
was, but it was also a last hoorah for especially for Jimin and Taehyung,
kissing their high school years goodbye in the form of getting as wasted and
stoned as possible.
Jeongguk can already smell the alcohol on Taehyung’s breath, and  wow ,
Taehyung is  gone . His relaxed face and easy-to-smile attitude is enough to
tell Jeongguk that, because he hasn’t even said anything, but Taehyung hasn’t
stopped giggling. His breathy laughs and bloodshot eyes are enough to tell
Jeongguk that he’s been smoking as well.
“Jeongguk-ah,” he whispers intimately, loud enough for the younger to hear it,
but his words drowning out in the music for anyone else. Taehyung’s hands slide
down Jeongguk’s chest to grip at his hips, pulling them flush against each
other. “Are you going to miss hyung?”
He’s joking, but there’s still a teasing note to his voice. He can tell that
Taehyung’s aroused by the stiffness in his jeans.
“Miss you?” he asks as if he’s never even thought of it. “Why would I miss
you?”
He smiles, knocking their foreheads together, and Jeongguk is almost glad it’s
dark so that their faces aren’t decipherable. It’s not like the two of them had
been keeping their relationship a secret, but it wasn’t something that either
of them liked to draw attention to. It had gotten to a point where the bruises
on Jeongguk’s hips and neck were becoming a hot topic, all the others clapping
Hoseok on the back in jest, but Taehyung wore a knowing smile each time it was
brought up. Though he took in it good humor, Hoseok wasn’t stupid.
“Fucking someone else, Jeonggukkie?” Hoseok had asked the boy one evening as he
went to suck on his jaw, eyeing the deep purple marks suspiciously. It was a
light question, somewhere between a joke and a real inquiry, but Jeongguk only
laughed in response. Hoseok apparently wanted a real answer, sitting up and
looking at him expectantly. The light portion of the atmosphere disappeared.
Jeongguk made an indignant face, confused. “Why would it matter?”
“I was just asking,” Hoseok said defensively. “Jesus.”
Then, Seokjin had walked in on Taehyung and Jeongguk kissing a month ago.
Taehyung had been smart on his feet, easily explaining that he had only been
gunning smoke to the younger. Seokjin had looked skeptical, but the haze
surrounding the room was too obvious to ignore, and he had taken the excuse
easily enough. They had started to be careful since then, but when they found a
spare moment to be together, the intensity had grown by a tenfold.
Jeongguk told himself that it was just the thrill of being caught that caused
his heart to race every time he looked at Taehyung now. He looked forward to
the way that he would wink at him when no one was looking, slide his hand along
his thigh when they were sitting on the same side of the table, or throw his
arm around his shoulder when they sat together on Namjoon’s couch under the
pretense of normal skinship, but the light tracing of a fingertip on Jeongguk’s
neck told him otherwise. It started to get out of control after they first
fucked, and Jeongguk often woke up in a cold sweat at the memory of Taehyung
hugging him from behind, kissing lazily up the column of his neck, helping him
put his clothes back on with tender hands.
But it was the thrill of none of their friends knowing, he told himself as
Taehyung’s lips ghosted across his, nothing more. It’s the thrill, he thinks,
as his eyes strain to make out the features of the other boy’s face. His heart
feels like it’s going to explode when the older boy’s mouth presses into his
temple before they break away. They’ve risked being too close for too long out
in the open, but he still doesn’t want to put distance between them. If it’s
just the thrill, why does his heart feel like it’s in his throat?
Jeongguk swallows it down, forcing it back into its rightful place as he clears
his throat as Taehyung is grabbing his wrist and dragging him towards a back
room where Jimin is taking Jell-O shots and shirtless.
“Aish, Jimin, clothe yourself,” Jeongguk says, mocking horror as he covers his
eyes.
Hoseok’s sitting in the corner, nursing his own drink, and he cracks a smile at
the comment. That says a lot, as he’s been very distant from Jeongguk unless he
has sex on his mind.
“Why would you say that to me?” Jimin asks, and he’s laughing all too loudly.
“My feelings could be delicate!”
Jeongguk only rolls his eyes as a retort, knowing good and well that Jimin
works hard for his sculpted stomach and chiseled jaw and nothing anyone says
towards him could put a dent in his confidence.
“Come here, Jeonggukie, come take a shot,” Jimin is then saying, reaching
forward to grasp at the boy’s forearm.
He shoots Taehyung a panicked look, but he’s only smiling at the situation, and
by then Jimin has pushed a small plastic cup into his hands. An invitingly blue
liquid looks up at him, Jimin watching him with expectant eyes.
Jeongguk decides  fuck it , because if everyone else is celebrating, shouldn’t
he be, too? He downs it, but the taste of the Jell-O does absolutely nothing to
mask the vodka in it. But he’s not letting that bother him as he’s reaching for
another plastic container, this one green, but it certainly doesn’t  taste
green.
Jimin makes him his designated party-buddy for the night, pulling him into the
crowd and not letting Jeongguk be still for any amount of time. He’s never been
so loud and animated, and as Jimin keeps making Jell-O shots appear out of
nowhere, he keeps taking them down. He’s dancing, screaming, laughing, and
everything is spinning, but it’s so lovely because occasionally Taehyung is in
his line of sight, and he’s so  beautiful  that it makes Jeongguk’s head hurt.
He’s pretty sure that he makes Taehyung do a girl group dance with him, and he
doesn’t even know if  he  knows the song, but he dances along with it anyway,
most of the moves made up as opposed to the real choreography.
He finds Yoongi and Seokjin sitting in a back room, smoke curling at the light
fixtures and crawling down several feet from the open door into the hallway. He
thinks they talk, but then he’s smoking, too, and he definitely is falling
against the walls now when he walks. It’s so hot, but he can’t find it in
himself to be mad, because that, too, is something enjoyable. Jimin finds him
again and he’s joking and dancing wildly for another half-hour, his vision
starting to go blurry at the edges. Then it’s not Jimin, but it is some guy in
Jimin’s year he thinks, and Jeongguk decides that he’ll do, because he’s
standing on Jimin’s ottoman and pulling the other boy up by his hands
enthusiastically because this song is the  best  and he  has  to dance with
him. Though, to be fair, Jeongguk is more leaning against the guy’s chest,
struggling to stand on his own two feet, than actually dancing. But the guy
doesn’t seem to mind, and right now, neither does Jeongguk.
He leans back, laughing, but his foot slips. The guy reaches out for him, but
Jeongguk passes out before he even touches the floor.
 
When he comes to, the sun is just coming up over the horizon. His vision is
blurry and his head is aching dully at the low light, eyes wanting to close
again. He lifts his head, which is hard to do at the moment, but he does so,
looking around the room and realizing that he’s in one of Jimin’s guest
bedrooms. The linen feels hard beneath him, cold from not being used, and the
air is almost stagnant. He wants to stand up, tries to, but his movements are
restricted by his shirt that is halfway off of him for some reason. He doesn’t
seem to have vomited on himself, though, so he pulls it back on over his head.
He shuffles towards the door, knowing that it is altogether too early to be
awake, but his throat is dry and his eyes can barely produce enough wetness for
him to blink without his eyelids sticking together.
The door is silent as it opens, and despite the chaos that ensued the night
before, the top floor is relatively untouched. There’s a jacket on the ground,
but Jeongguk is pretty sure that it’s Yoongi’s.He treads down the steps
carefully, his joints stiff and difficult, and downstairs is an absolute
nightmare. While no one is passed out on Jimin’s couch, floor, or any other
area, there are oddly placed solo cups on the floor, and he thinks that someone
had been trying to play beer pong, which is weird, because playing it on the
floor kinda defeats the pong part.
He’s grabbing a glass and filling it with water from the refrigerator when he
hears someone walk in behind him. He looks up to see Hoseok. A part of him
starts, but he seems particularly vulnerable right now. He looks a tad worse
for wear, hair disheveled and his face showing that what sleep he got was
fitful.
“Rough night?” Jeongguk asks him, taking a heavy drink of water. He wants to
moan at the feel of it.
“Speak for yourself,” Hoseok said back, grabbing orange juice out of the
refrigerator to drink straight from the carton. Jeongguk’s nose wrinkles in
distaste. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“You’re drinking straight out of the carton - why shouldn’t I look at you like
this?”
“Because I saw an awful lot of embarrassing things that you did last night,
Jeonggukkie, and if you’re mean to me, I won’t tell you about them. Suppose
I’ll just have to let Namjoon-hyung bring them up randomly as we grow old, each
a new memory to embarrass you with.” He raises his eyebrows as he talks, and
Jeongguk’s stomach sinks.
“God,” he groans, realizing exactly how spotty the night was for him after
Jimin kept feeding him shots. “Don’t torture me like that.”
“I’m just kidding,” he smiles smally, putting the juice back in its place and
shutting the fridge door. “You only did a few embarrassing things.”
 Hoseok’s eyes meet his and Jeongguk realizes how  tired  Hoseok really looks.
Out of natural concern for his friend, he reaches out to smooth down his hair.
“Did you sleep any last night?” He asks.
He shakes his head, and Jeongguk drops his arm in favor of drinking more water.
“Not really. Jimin kept it going until around five before kicking everyone out,
and I had a raging headache by then. Made it difficult to fall asleep.”
“Mm,” he hums in acknowledgment.
They’re looking at each other evenly, and Hoseok reaches forward to toy at
Jeongguk’s fingers, tying them loosely together. He feels a little hope in his
chest that maybe Hoseok doesn’t hate him after all.
“Why have you been so distant from me lately?” he asks, and he knows it’s not
something that Hoseok wanted to talk about the second it’s out of his mouth.
“What?” Hoseok looks at him, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, but it’s fake,
it’s all fake, and Jeongguk knows this.
“It seems like you don’t notice me recently unless you want sex,” he points
out, and Hoseok’s hands are slipping from his. He lets them fall.
“That’s not true, Jeonggukkie,” he smiles, tapping his finger against the
younger boy’s cheek. “I’ve just been a bit preoccupied lately.”
Preoccupied with what, he doesn’t say, because then he’s leaving Jeongguk alone
in the kitchen with more questions than answers. Frustrated, he finishes his
glass of water before going back upstairs to sleep a bit more.
When he wakes up again, there’s more activity in the house. Jimin is still yet
to be seen, though, but Jeongguk isn’t surprised. The clock says it’s just past
noon, and Jimin was a late sleeper even when he hadn’t been drunk the night
before. He would be out for a few more hours at the least.
Seokjin and Hoseok are already in the beginning stages of cleanup, and Jeongguk
easily falls in with them. It’s a routine by now, and they feel it’s the least
they can do. Besides, between the six of them (Jimin is never awake to help
clean), it gets done quicker, anyways. They’re used to Taehyung creating more
mess than he cleans up, and Yoongi curses at him like he always does. Namjoon
makes sharp comments at the both of them in order to create a fragile peace,
but the harsh words don’t affect either of them. Namjoon’s always ill when he
has a hangover; they all are.
Taehyung and Yoongi make breakfast for them when they finish, proving that they
aren’t  truly  annoyed with each other, but it only takes five minutes for them
to break out in some kind of sarcastic banter, which leaves Taehyung with a
flour handprint on his ass, running back into the living room and pressing
sexual assault charges on Yoongi.
“Don't try to throw flour on me next time, then!” is Yoongi’s irritable
response, but from the way that Taehyung is moping around on the floor,
Jeongguk could almost be convinced that he'd been maimed.
Yoongi manages to pull off pancakes pretty well, and Seokjin makes a comment
saying so when Yoongi told them it was ready. To make sure that they didn’'t
get used to it, Yoongi made a point of serving himself before allowing anyone
else to have any.
They were halfway through their breakfast when Jimin made his appearance, much
earlier than any of them would have expected. Though the others didn't look
anything close to fantastic, Jimin had to take the cake.
“What is it?” Namjoon asked lowly, leaning closer to Seokjin.
“I can't say for sure,” he responded, his voice equally quiet, “but I think
it's human.”
“Oh, fuck off, the both of you,” Jimin groaned, pressing his palms into his
eyes. “It's so early.”
“For you,” Yoongi snorted. “It's one thirty.”
“It's earlier than I thought, then,” he said, but he sluggishly made his way
towards the pile of pancakes anyway. “Some party though, huh?”
“The best,” Taehyung agreed, mouth stuffed with food, smiling altogether too
wide. “It was seriously legendary, Jiminnie. You've left a legacy in your
wake.”
“One that shall never be broken,” he smiled.
“Amen to that.” Taehyung’s eyes then flickered towards Jeongguk. “How about
you, Jeongguk? Did you have fun last night?”
He blinked at the attention being turned on him, looking up. “I think so,” he
admitted. “I mean, I can't really remember.”
The boys all snickered at his response. He frowned.
“Oh, man, what did I do?”
“Nothing, Jeongukkie,” Namjoon crooned. “You're just such an energetic drunk.
You had Taehyung dancing to girl groups with you. Went out with a bang, too.”
“Oh, God, you really did,” Yoongi agreed. “We thought you were going to bust
your head open when you fell, but luckily the people on the floor were enough
of a cushion. But, I mean, Taehyung really should have caught you.” He shot the
other a look, and Taehyung looked indignant.
“Hey! I didn't know he was going to fall! I tried to catch him!” He sputtered.
“You saw me, right, Jeongguk?”
“What?” He laughed, shaking his head. “I don't remember any of that.”
“On the ottoman, before you fell.”
“I wasn't dancing with you, Taehyung! It was some other guy in your grade, I'm
positive.”
“Oh, is  that  why you were being so handsy with him?” Seokjin asked, seeming
to understand. “God, that explains so much. You were all over him, Jeongguk,
really, grabbing at his hair and borderline grinding against him and - “
“Shut up!” Jeongguk begged. “Please, spare me, Seokjin-hyung, I beg you.”
“And talking about how pretty Taehyung was, as well,” Hoseok commented, eyes
still focused on his food.
“What was it? Oh, yeah,” Seokjin is laughing now, obviously amused at the
redness on Jeongguk’s face. “‘He's so pretty it makes my chest hurt,’ I think
it was.”
“Wow, Jeongguk,” Taehyung is snickering, leaning back in his chair. “I never
knew you were such a romantic.”
“Neither did I,” he says, his hands covering his face. He feels eyes on him,
and he looks through his fingers to meet Hoseok’s gaze. It's not harsh, not
quite, but there's some sort of feeling there that makes Jeongguk’s
embarrassment melt away into guilt. Then the older breaks the contact, and
Namjoon is laughing at another comment that Seokjin has made. Jeongguk is sure
it was something at his expense, but he barely has the sense to blush at it.
 
A week later, Jeongguk is walking home from meeting Yoongi and Jimin for a late
lunch when a car rolls up beside him. It's Hoseok’s, he instantly recognizes
it, and the window slides down.
“Hey, you need a ride?” He asks, a smile quirked on his lips. The sky had been
darkening for the past few minutes now and Jeongguk knows that I was going to
rain any moment, so he nods, slipping into the passenger seat before even
thinking about it.
“You headed home?” He asks, pulling away from the curb.
“Yeah,” he responds. “Thanks, hyung, I really appreciate it.”
“Not a problem,” he smiles.
The ride is silent for the most part, but it only takes a few minutes to reach
Jeongguk’s house, anyway. Once there, Hoseok pulls into the drive behind his
dad’s truck. Jeongguk unbuckles his seatbelt, but fiddles nervously. Why is
there so much tension? Hoseok is one of his closest friends; there was no need
for him to feel like he was walking on eggshells.
“Do you wanna come in? Hang out for a bit?” He offers, and he's scared that
Hoseok will decline.
“That'd be great,” he says instead, cutting the engine.
They're stepping through the door when the rain decides to fall, hitting the
roof with such an intensity that it's sounds like a dull roar.
Hoseok looks around the empty living room and kitchen. “Where's your dad?
Wasn't that his truck?”
“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods, kicking off his shoes. “He started carpooling to work
with his coworkers, and today wasn't his day to drive. He won't be home until
later tonight. They're having workshops at the firm all this week, and he
hasn't been home before nine once.”
“Alright,” Hoseok grins, picking something out of his pocket to flash it at
Jeongguk. It's green. “Because…”
Jeongguk flushes, smile forming at his own lips. “Cool.”
It doesn't take long for them to get comfortable in Jeongguk’s room, Hoseok
spread out over his bed on his back, Jeongguk sitting on the mattress as well,
but his back supported by the wall. Hoseok’s got the blunt hanging out of his
mouth, lazily inhaling before pulling it away. He passes it to Jeongguk,
meeting the boy’s eyes as he blows the smoke out of his mouth. There's a strong
haze in the room, and it feels altogether way too hot. The windows are fogged
up with condensation from the rain, and the dull roar of it now is hypnotizing.
Jeongguk pulls smoke into his lungs, holding it, watching as Hoseok decides
that he's not satisfied with just watching the younger boy anymore. He takes
the blunt from his hands, taking a short hit before laying it back on
Jeongguk’s nightstand. His movements are liquid, smooth and without hesitation.
Then he's leaning forward, their breath mingling. He's on his knees, hovering
above Jeongguk, and the younger boy has to tilt his head up in order to see him
correctly. Hoseok’s hand is curving around the side of his cheek, his mouth
coming down against Jeongguk’s.
Hoseok’s mouth is familiar, and they quickly fall into their routine. Hoseok
isn't biting, not yet, simply kissing Jeongguk slowly until the younger boy
loops his fingers through Hoseok’s belt loops, pulling him closer. The
intensity instantly picks up, Hoseok curving his back to lean down and plant
wet kisses along Jeongguk’s jaw. Jeongguk is leaning into them, desperate for
the action, and he's altogether too eager for this, but he hasn't been fucked
since before graduation. He can't help being so sensitive to the attention,
whimpering when Hoseok’s hand slides down his abdomen to cup his groin. His
hips buck into it.
“You're already so hard,” Hoseok comments, sounding like he wants to laugh. He
applies more pressure, and Jeongguk wants to keen.
“Don't tease,” he says weakly, eyes fluttering in his attempt to keep them
open.
He chuckles, deftly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down around his
thighs. Then comes Jeongguk’s underwear along with them. Hoseok’s hand doesn't
waste time, grasping Jeongguk’s cock surely in his grip. His palm is warm, the
precome smearing everywhere as Hoseok starts to pump his hand, and Jeongguk
moans.
Hoseok’s mouth is back to distracting him, kissing him relentlessly. Jeongguk’s
fingers are curling into the older boy’s shirt around his shoulders, his hips
wanting to buck up, but everytime he tries, Hoseok’s other hand simply holds
him down. He whines, the pleasure starting to bubble in his gut. He  really
wants to cum.
“Hoseok-hyung,” he pants into the his mouth.
“Tell me, Jeonggukkie, talk to me,” he murmurs back. His eyes are glazed over,
drinking in Jeongguk’s appearance.
“Wanna cum,” he manages, desperate now. Trying to gain more brownie points, he
presses his lips against Hoseok’s again, but he's too far gone to properly kiss
him.
That doesn't stop Hoseok from tracing his tongue against his bottom lip,
Jeongguk’s mouth complying, opening up. Hoseok’s hand around his dick tightens,
providing such  delicious  sensations, the feeling shooting down into
Jeongguk’s knees. His dick twitches, and Hoseok knows he is dangerously close,
but he doesn't care.
Jeongguk is whining now, completely giving up on trying to kiss him anymore,
and instead leaning his head against the wall. His throat is exposed, clean of
all marks except for the faint red ones that Hoseok has just left. The sight
pleases Hoseok, causing him to jerk him off quicker, massaging circles into his
hip with his thumb.
“ Fuck ,” Jeongguk curses, arching up into Hoseok as he spills all over his
hand.
Hoseok smiles, pumping him through his orgasm until Jeongguk is shrouding away
from sensitivity. Then he's kissing him again, but it's slower, more sated, and
Hoseok knows just how pliant Jeongguk can be once he's had a good orgasm.
“Tell me, Jeonggukie,” he says into his ear, hands massaging his sides. “Can
Taehyung make you feel that good?”
Jeongguk’s grip on his shoulders falters, sliding down to the front of his
chest. “What?”
“Can he?” He repeats. “You can tell me. I won't tell him.”
“Hoseok, what the fuck?” He's pushing at his chest, wanting to get away from
him now.
“Come on, Jeonggukkie,” he simpers, “just tell me I'm better.” The heat of his
body is suddenly making Jeongguk sick to his stomach, causing him to almost
sober up completely. But he can't deny that his reactions are still a little
slow, his pushes a little weak.
“Get off of me!” He shoves him hard, finally breaking his grip.
Hoseok is thrown backwards, landing on his back on the mattress and just barely
managing to stay on the bed. His eyes are wide, but then they narrow.
“What? Uncomfortable talking about it?”
Jeongguk is scrambling to his feet now, pulling up his jeans and ignoring the
drying cum on his stomach. He just wants to put as much space between them as
possible.
“You have no idea what you're talking about,” Jeongguk says to him.
“Don't I? You're fucking him, too, huh?” Hoseok accuses, sitting up straighter.
“Don't try to deny it.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I don't think it. I know it. He's always fucking looking at you, you know?
Always watching you. And graduation night, watching you with him, I knew. He's
the one that's been marking you up, hasn't he? Just fucking say it, Jeongguk,
admit it.”
“You know what, Hoseok? Yeah, I'm fucking Taehyung, but it's none of your
goddamn business.” He's on the verge of yelling, but he's far too angry to
care. Hoseok needed to stay out of his business. What he did was none of his
concern. “You're acting as if you have a right to be upset or something, and
the last time I checked? You're not my fucking boyfriend, so quit acting like
it.”
“What, do you like him or something? Want to be with him? Think he really cares
about you, Jeongguk?” Hoseok's tone turns cold. “God, you're so young and
naïve. You don't even know how he works. He's done this before; he will play
with you, and then, he will drop you.”
“You're lying,” Jeongguk spits. Hoseok’s expression is even, his gaze steady,
and there's the smallest bit of malice in his eyes. Taehyung wasn't that type
of person, was he? Tears burn at the corners of Jeongguk’s eyes. “You're just
trying to confuse me.”
“Confuse you? Oh, no, he's already done that for me, thanks. He's going to fuck
you over, Jeongguk, don't you worry about that.” He shakes his head, bitterness
clouding his features. “Not like it matters.”
“And what the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Jeongguk’s emotional range is
everywhere by now. Hoseok’s been an absolute dick to him lately, treating him
like he’s not even there unless he wants sex. Now he’s talking to him, was even
showing him decency, was treating him like a  friend , but he has the nerve to
talk down to him as if he’s stupid.
Hoseok only shakes his head, getting to his feet. He makes his way towards the
door. This only enrages Jeongguk more.
“You’ve got a lot of fuckin’ nerve,” he hisses, tears blinding him now, but he
can see the older boy hesitate. “Gonna block me out? Again? Guess I should be
used to it by now. You act like I’m so clueless about everything, but you’ve
hardly talked to me for weeks. Then you act like I should know what’s going on
-  but I can’t fucking do that when you don’t tell me anything! ”
“Watch it,” Hoseok tells him, “I’m still your hyung.”
“Don’t pull that card because you’re all out of options,  hyung ,” he says, his
voice mockingly sweet. “Don’t be upset because I don’t return your  precious
feelings.”
He sees Hoseok’s fist tighten. He wants to smile.
“Yeah, that’s it, isn’t it?” Jeongguk taunts. “I knew it had to be.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“How can I?! You don't treat me like a human being anymore! I’m nothing but
something to fuck to you! Remember how we’re friends? That ring a bell? I don’t
think you’re supposed to ignore your friends. That’s not what friends do,
hyung.”
“Jesus Christ, Jeongguk, I didn’t want to be just your friend!” He exclaims,
now turning back to face the boy. “I’d been trying for months -  months -  for
you to fucking take me seriously when you’re not high, but apparently that
wasn’t happening! God, I wanted you to be mine so bad, but you were so
unbothered by every advance I made!”
“Well, sorry, I don’t take you brushing back my hair as an advance when you’ve
- oh, I don’t know -  fucked  me.” He knows he’s being harsh, and he feels bad,
but Hoseok is being unreasonable. He doesn’t actually expect Jeongguk to think
he’s the victim in this, does he? After he’s been so distant? “You should have
told me if it was such a big deal.”
“That’s the thing, Jeongguk: I was going to. But then you started fucking
around with Taehyung. I’d been trying for months to get your attention, but it
didn’t matter. Suddenly it was like he’s the only one that’s in the room when
he’s around. I didn’t want to think it was him screwing you - you two had
always been close - but then Seokjin-hyung told me about the kissing, and I saw
enough at Jimin’s party.” Hoseok’s voice is quieter now, but anger is still
boiling beneath the surface. “He’s not the perfect person he’s made you think
he is, Jeongguk. I wasn’t lying when I said he would fuck you over. Because he
will, eventually. I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”
Jeongguk looks away from him now, not knowing how he’s supposed to console
Hoseok. He knows what would make him feel better - Jeongguk telling him that
Taehyung means nothing, that he  really  wants to be with Hoseok - but this
isn’t a drama and neither of them are paid enough for this shit.
He shakes his head, glancing up to meet his eyes. “Taehyung isn't a bad person.
Don't make him look bad because you've gotten your feelings hurt.”
Hoseok lets out a bark of a bitter laugh. “You think I'm that petty, Jeongguk?
Really?” He closes his eyes, jaw tight. “Just - you know what? Forget it,
fuckin’ forget it.”
The elder moves towards the door, but this time Jeongguk makes no move to stop
him. He steps to the side in order to create more space between them when he
passes. Hoseok notices this, and he hesitates, fingers wrapped loosely around
the doorknob. His face turns towards the other boy slightly, but his eyes are
still elsewhere.
“Ask him how he feels about you if you don't believe me, but don't be surprised
when he throws you away. He doesn't care about you. Don't come crying to me,
either, because I'm warning you now to get out. I was half in love with you,
but I've learned from my mistake very quickly. I hope you do the same.”
He leaves after that, and Jeongguk slides down the wall, folding his knees into
his chest.
 
He wouldn't admit it, but Hoseok’s warning had burned itself into his brain.
Every time he was with his friends now, he would observe Taehyung in an
objective view. He would carefully watch the way that he held his phone, the
way he would push back his hair, the way he cross his ankles - as if any of
this would tell him if Taehyung was the type of person to throw someone away.
It just didn't make sense. Taehyung was a lot of things, but a cold
heartbreaker? Hardly. In fact, Jeongguk could remember Taehyung moping for
three days when a guy in his calculus class asked him out for Valentine’s Day,
and he had said no.
“But he really seemed nice,” Taehyung had said, his face in his hands. “I could
have had a nice time with him, I bet. He looked so crushed.”
“No, he didn't,” Jimin spoke up, shooting Taehyung a look. “He took it very
well. He accepted your decision with good humor. Really, Taehyung, he’ll live.”
The one thing that did bother Jeongguk, though, was the fact that Taehyung did
not seem to notice that he was being distant. When there was a group
conversation, he would simply sit on the outskirts, offering an opinion only
when it was necessary. Hoseok seemed to be the sole person who noticed a change
in Jeongguk’s attitude, and the calculating look he always seemed to wear on
his face whenever he looked at the younger nowadays told more than his mouth
ever could.
Hoseok was still upset with him, still hurt, but he was determined to hide it.
His words were tense when he addressed Jeongguk, but maybe the he was just
imagining it. After all, the rest of the group didn't seem to notice. Surely
they would pick up on the tension, right? But, they still hadn't seemed to
notice the way that Jeongguk was slowly separating himself more and more.
Two weeks from graduation, Jeongguk started to think that Hoseok had been
right. All that he and Taehyung had must have been a fling, because Taehyung
hadn't sought him out once - but it might have been due to the fact that
Jimin’s dealer was going through a dry spell, which meant that they were all
going through a dry spell.
“C’mon, Jiminnie, can't you charm some out of him?” Yoongi had asked when they
had just run out of weed. “Wear those dark jeans - you know the ones. You could
command empires in those.”
“Okay, Yoongi-hyung, let me just go charm him out of weed that he doesn't
have,” Jimin had said, smiling at him in a smarting manner.
Yoongi reached across and popped his knee. “Don't be disrespectful. Else you'll
end up like Taehyung did when he mocked me in the kitchen.”
“Nah, won't work,” Namjoon had commented, shaking his head. He was laying back
on the footrest, staring at the ceiling. “Jimin likes spanking.”
“And how exactly would you know that?” Jimin asked him, raising a skeptical
eyebrow. Yoongi, however, was chuckling.
“Have you forgotten that I'm friends with Jooheon? I know exactly how you get
as much pot out of him as you do.”
Jimin turned pink, but only shrugged. “Guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do -
especially when he has gluttonous friends like you. So, basically, you're
welcome.”
Jeongguk’s eyes had been on Taehyung throughout the exchange, but the older
boy’s attention had been somewhere between the conversation and his phone. He
hadn't been able to see a lot of Taehyung recently, as the boy was looking into
colleges and was busying applying to the ones he was interested in. Jeongguk
had expected that he would attend the local university with the others - part
of the reason the hyungs applied there was to stay together - but Jeongguk knew
Taehyung better than that. He just didn't want to think about it, let alone
accept it when Taehyung had announced that he wanted to go to Seoul for
college, hours away.
Whether he would get accepted or not was still in the air - his acceptance
still hadn't come in the mail - but Jeongguk knew he would get in. Taehyung was
brilliant, and any college would have been lucky to have him.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest, but Taehyung kept scrolling through his
phone, the screen lighting up his profile. He wanted Taehyung to look up, to
notice him, to say something, but this was why he was beginning to think that
Hoseok was right: Taehyung never seemed to look up anymore. He never seemed to
notice him anymore.
There was this pressing anxiety in his throat that he was running out of time.
The fall semester for the college would come around in August, and while that
was over a month and a half away, Jeongguk couldn't help but feel like the time
he spent around Taehyung was limited. He wanted to make the most of it, and he
knew that while he continued to let Hoseok fuck with his mind, they would only
grow more distant - and then Taehyung would be gone.
But was Hoseok fucking with Jeongguk’s head? He supposed that he should swallow
his pride and ask Taehyung what the older had meant when he said that Taehyung
fucked people over, but that would mean coming to terms with his feelings… and
were there even feelings to talk about in the first place?
Jeongguk’s eyes soaked in the slight smile of Taehyung’s mouth as he read
something, and yeah, there were feelings. There were so many feelings.
 
To: Taehyung
From: Jeongguk
June 7, 18:46
I got some bud, but if I tell any of the others it would be gone by the end of
the day. You wanna hang for a bit?
 
To: Jeongguk
From: Taehyung
June 7, 18:50
You're so thoughtful. I'm on my way
 
Jeongguk knew that his dad wasn't much too fond of Taehyung. It wasn't that he
thought the boy was rude or that he would bring Jeongguk down, but rather, he
knew that Taehyung was very… well-known. It was expected that nearly everyone
in the city knew Taehyung as his father was a city official and his mother was
an elementary school teacher, and at first, Jeongguk’s father encouraged their
blossoming friendship. But then he had found a lighter in one of Jeongguk’s
jeans’ pockets when he had done laundry, and he immediately thought it was
linked to Taehyung.
“He's blazed all the time, isn't he?” He had asked. “No wonder the kid’s so
chilled-out. Jesus, Jeongguk, what are you doing with your life?”
Jeongguk’s father wasn't someone that was against the use of marijuana, but he
did understand that it was something illegal, and worried for his son in that
aspect. So when Taehyung knocked on the door roughly fifteen minutes later, the
agonizing call for Jeongguk to make himself known was met with a slightly
exasperated expression.
“Hyung, hey,” Jeongguk said, smiling, and Taehyung nodded his head sheepishly.
“Come on back.”
He hurriedly made his way past the younger and into his room. Taehyung may have
tried to charm Jeongguk’s dad, but he wasn't stupid. He knew that there was the
smallest bit of tension there, and it made him uncomfortable. Jeongguk couldn't
imagine how it must feel now, considering they had fucked multiple times since
the last time his father had seen him.
“How long do you think he’ll be staying?” He asked, his voice lowered so that
Taehyung didn't hear. He may not be the biggest fan of the kid, but he still
didn't want to be rude.
“A few hours, maybe,” Jeongguk answered vaguely. In all honesty, he wasn't
sure. It wasn't uncommon for one of his friends to sleep over after they had
gotten baked.
“It's past seven already!” He whispered, looking towards the clock.
“Alright, I don't know,” he conceded. “He might sleep over. I don't know yet.
We won't be loud. I promise.”
“He better be gone by the time I get back from work tomorrow, Jeongguk.” His
father’s gaze wasn't very severe - he was a very mild-mannered man - but he
knew that he wasn't saying it just to hear himself talk, either.
“He will be,” he responded. “Don't worry.”
“God, you and your friends,” his dad murmured, shaking his head and retreating
back to his office.
Taehyung was already spread out on his bed when Jeongguk got to his room,
closing the door behind him. He rested his forehead against the wood.
“Your old man still kinda hates me, huh?” Taehyung asked, looking a little
scandalized. “Can't say it doesn't give me a little thrill.”
The way he wagged his eyebrows let Jeongguk know that he was just poking fun,
and the younger rolled his eyes.
“He doesn't  hate  you, per se, but he certainly doesn't ask for you to come
over.” Jeongguk turned to smile at him. “That doesn't make it sound much
better, does it?”
“Not at all,” he admitted. “In fact, I think I feel a bit worse about it than I
did. I mean, I try so hard to be a good influence on you, and he thinks I'm
some kind of delinquent.”
Jeongguk raised an eyebrow. “You were almost arrested last fall.”
“Almost.” He smiles triumphantly, as if he had truly stumped Jeongguk.
The younger boy crosses the room, crouching down to open one of the drawers on
his desk, and pulling out a little wooden box that he kept all of his
paraphernalia in. Inside, among his collection of paper wraps and more study,
flavored wraps for blunts, he pulled out a grinder, where he had already
prepared some green. He reached for his small glass pipe.
Taehyung watched in earnest as he loaded the small pipe, smiling. “You still
have Bullet?”
“Of course I still have Bullet,” Jeongguk laughed in response. He cast a look
over at the other boy. “He still packs as much punch as he did the day I got
him, too.”
“Does he really?”
Jeongguk rose, closing the distance between himself and where Taehyung was
lounging on his bed, and held out the contraption. “See for yourself, hyung.”
“You're giving me greens? Such a generous host.” Taehyung gave a teasing grin,
sitting up on his elbow to accept the pipe and slipping a black lighter from
his pocket.
The dull  tsch  of the lighter sounded, illuminating the older boy’s face in a
new light. He inhaled, eyes coming up to meet Jeongguk’s, and he held. An
approving sound came from his throat when he breathed out, the smoke settling
around them comfortably.
“I've always loved Bullet,” he laughed, taking his second hit.
The bowl was gone in ten minutes, and the two boys were shrouded in a light
haze. Taehyung set the now-empty pipe onto Jeongguk’s nightstand, an empty,
hollow echo coming from it as it settled, and he laid back down onto his back.
His arms folded behind his head. Jeongguk was sitting against the wall near his
knees, content to watch the way Taehyung’s full lips were held in a relaxed
gape. The boy’s pink tongue flickered across them, and his looked his way.
“Ever think about me, Jeonggukkie?” He asked.
Jeongguk’s eyes blinked slowly, and a dopey grin formed in his face. “What?”
“You ever think about hyung? About how it's going to be when I leave for
college?”
“Yeah, sometimes,” he admitted. “I think about how much more peace I'm going to
get around here.”
“Yah,” he scolded, nudging at Jeongguk with a knee. “Don't be rude. I'm being
honest, here.”
Jeongguk smiles easily, sitting up on his haunches and lifting himself up to
straddle the older boy. “I know you're being honest, hyung. But you're not
leaving yet, right? Why don't you have some fun while you're still here, huh?
Have some fun with me?” His hands run over the planes of Taehyung’s chest,
wishing that the fabric of his shirt wasn't in the way. “You haven't been very
attentive to me lately, you know? It's been almost two weeks since you've
touched me.”
Taehyung’s fingers ghost along the hem of Jeongguk’s top, right at his hips,
pads of his fingers just slipping underneath to touch skin. “You are going to
miss me then, aren't you? You're going to miss  some  aspects of me.” He's
smirking.
“I will certainly miss some aspects about you, yes,” he almost purrs, loving
the way that Taehyung is now pressing his hips down to get the slightest
friction. It's always in the chase for Jeongguk, always in the teasing.
“And what aspects would you say you'd miss most, baby?”
Jeongguk stubbornly shakes his head, smiling innocently. “If I told you, it
wouldn't be fun for me, though.”
“Don't be difficult with me, sweetheart.”
His grip on Jeongguk’s hips suddenly tightens, and then they're trading places.
Taehyung hovers up above the other boy, threading their fingers together in
order to pin Jeongguk’s hands beside his head.
Taehyung’s mouth is at his jaw, gingerly kissing along the line of bone before
breaking off to trail down his throat. The kisses are barely there, just enough
to leave Jeongguk’s skin scorching. He lets out a sound of complaint.
“What? Aren't you going to miss this?” He asks sweetly. Then his teeth graze
the tender skin and Jeongguk keens. “I know what you'll miss; you don't have to
tell me. In fact, I'm so generous, I'm going to show you exactly what you're
going to miss about me, angel, and you're going to remember it for quite some
time.”
He's silent for a moment, but then his sharp teeth are sinking into a sensitive
place in Jeongguk’s neck. The boy whimpers, but arches into the sensation. A
jet of heat rushes in between his hips.
“Oh, yes, I feel like you’re  really  -” he presses his waist down into the
younger, who emits a strangled protest “- gonna remember this.” His breath is
directly in Jeongguk’s ear, hot and heavy. Jeongguk fights the urge to shiver,
goosebumps wanting to break out along his spine.
Taehyung’s mouth moves to hover over his, Jeongguk’s clouded eyes almost black
as they stare back at him. Of course, it’s not as though his are any better;
much like the younger’s, though his may be unfocused, they’re glassy,
reflecting everything he takes in. Jeongguk can see his own features in the
swimming pools. Then their lips are molding together, one of Taehyung’s hands
moving to slide down Jeongguk’s side in lieu of keeping him down. Jeongguk
doesn’t seem to be trying to fight back, though, as his fingers simply curl
into themselves, the older boy’s larger hand coming down to his hips to keep
him pinned - and Jeongguk should have known, really, because Taehyung would be
damned if he allowed any escape.
Jeongguk breathes a laugh, Taehyung sucking his bottom lip into his wet mouth
to have something to press his teeth into. The bite is teasing, nothing
overpowering like the bruising mark on his neck, but it serves its purpose.
Jeongguk presses further into the older, his mouth desperate for more of
Taehyung’s lips, but Taehyung is pulling back. Jeongguk is chasing the feeling,
but then the other hand keeping his fingers busy is at his throat, pushing him
back into the mattress. He’s not applying any pressure yet, but the loose hold
at his throat is more than enough to have Jeongguk nervous. Good nervous.
Excited nervous.
“Now, now,” Taehyung murmurs to him, being cruel enough to come back down and
let their lips barely touch. “Don’t get greedy.”
“Hyung,” Jeongguk whispers prettily, his eyes fluttering.
But the hand on his hip is suddenly moving inward, making its home on the
button of Jeongguk’s jeans. Taehyung isn’t touching him, hasn’t touched him,
but is merely rubbing his thumb around the metallic button, the pad of his
finger circling around the circumference of it. The ghost sensation echoes down
into Jeongguk’s abdomen.
“Don’t tease.” He’s hardly audible, but Taehyung hears him. He merely chuckles
in reply, blinking leisurely in their eye contact. He testingly squeezes his
hand. Nothing harsh, just a warning.
Then Taehyung’s fingers have found their way underneath the younger boy’s
shirt, his thumb, cold from the metal, now clamping down onto his nipple.
Jeongguk gasps, immediately arching into the movement, but Taehyung isn’t
allowing him to move at all.
“You’re going to miss how I make you take my teasing, babydoll,” he says,
sounding almost loving. His thumb and forefinger gingerly roll the bud between
themselves, making Jeongguk inhale again. “Almost like I make you take my cock,
but you always take it so well, don’t you, baby?”
Jeongguk’s fingers have now found their way onto his face, sliding up to hide
beneath his fringe, the heels of his palms resting over his eyes.
“No, none of that,” Taehyung reprimands lightly, grabbing his wrists in one
long-fingered hand and pinning them together above his head. He pulls lightly
on the nipple, and Jeongguk’s eyes come open to stare at him, cheeks flushed
“There you go, princess,” he tells him, “leave your pretty eyes open for me.”
Taehyung’s mouth wraps around the other, neglected nub, his tongue pressing
lewdly flat against it as he licks upwards. Jeongguk keens, mouth falling open
into a oval. He knows Taehyung told him to leave his eyes open, but his tongue
is now  circling  his nipple, tugging innocently with the edge of his teeth on
the tender skin, and he can’t help the way his head tilts into the pillow, eyes
closing.
Then the elder’s mouth is pressing feverishly against Jeongguk’s throat, wet,
slippery kisses that are hardly kisses at all rousing the boy to open his eyes
again. The saliva left from Taehyung’s tongue is cold now, making his nipple
harden even further, and he whines at the feeling.
Taehyung sits up, balancing himself on his knees. The hand around Jeongguk’s
neck leaves, but he doesn’t have any time to think about that, because there’s
a hand at the button of his jeans, expertly undoing them and shucking them down
his legs. Jeongguk knows there’s a tent at the front of his underwear, and he
thinks that as many times that he and Taehyung had done this, he would  be over
the embarrassment, but as soon as Taehyung’s gaze falls upon it, he can feel
the heat claw up his throat, his cheeks.
“You’re already so hard for me, Jeongguk,” he says, pressing the palm of his
hand against the front of Jeongguk’s boxers. It’s enough pressure for a spot of
precum to leak through the fabric. “Oh, you  really  are going to miss some
things about me, aren’t you?”
“Please, just,” Jeongguk can barely muster up a sentence to say, but he thinks
he gets the general idea across, for Taehyung’s fingers are now pulling at the
hem of his boxers, pulling them down his sculpted thighs and calves to join his
jeans at the end of the bed.
His large hand wraps around the length of Jeongguk, slowly starting a rhythm,
but it’s enough to sate the younger boy - for now, anyway. Jeongguk’s eyes
start to flutter closed again, but a sharp slap against the outside of his
thigh is enough to make him blink them open.
“What did hyung tell you?” Taehyung asks, halting almost all motion in his
hand. Jeongguk’s eyes widen in peril.
“Hyung, no, don’t -”
“ What did hyung tell you? ” He asks again, the hand on his thigh tightening
its grip. The words are still gentle, but there’s a harshness there that
Jeongguk knows will only get more severe if he pushes it.
“To keep my eyes o-open,” he says quickly, wanting to melt into the sheets
beneath him as Taehyung’s hand immediately resumes its movement.
“That’s right, Jeongguk,” Taehyung almost purrs, “Be a good boy for hyung.”
He nods in response, relishing in how Taehyung knows how to flick his wrist at
the right angle to make his vision go a little unfocused, how his thumb traces
the edge of his crown.
But then he stops, scooting back a little and leaning over towards Jeongguk’s
nightstand. He opens the drawer to find a bottle of lube, grabbing it, and then
sitting back in his prior position on his knees. He’s still fully clothed,
Jeongguk notices, and he doesn’t like it.
The younger boy sits up, pressing his mouth against Taehyung’s full lips.
Taehyung’s tongue comes to trace along Jeongguk’s bottom lip, then his teeth
are there, biting down in order to force his mouth open. His quiet, malicious
chuckle reaches Jeongguk’s ears, but he doesn’t mind having Taehyung’s tongue
in his mouth at all. He’s moaning into it, welcoming it, and he begins to suck
on it.
A pleased rumble sounds from Taehyung’s chest, and Jeongguk’s hands push up his
shirt, pulling it higher until they have to break away to get it off. But then
the back of Jeongguk’s head is being tugged on, the hair at the base of his
neck being used as leverage to make him look up at the boy in front of him. He
blinks slowly at him, his breathing ragged.
“You’re so filthy for me, aren’t you?” Taehyung asks him, the picture of
composure. He leans in closer, brushing their mouths together. “Filthy little
boy.”
Jeongguk is shoved away onto his back, landing roughly. He lets out a gasp, but
Taehyung’s eyes only gleam in reply. It’s entirely hypnotic how his pupils are
blown, how he’s put into a primal state when Jeongguk allows him to throw him
around like a plaything.
The pop of the lube cap brings him back into the present, Taehyung warming it
between his fingers before he’s tracing around Jeongguk’s hole. He’s teasing
him, and Jeongguk is all too aware of it. It almost drives him delirious when
he presses in only the pad of his middle finger, just to pull it back out. But
Jeongguk keeps himself from begging, because he knows that’s what Taehyung
wants, and instead keeps his eyes open and focused on Taehyung’s. He knows that
he’s not doing a good job at keeping his pride when Taehyung only smirks in
reply.
“Not gonna beg for me, angel? Not gonna ask hyung nicely for what you want?” He
sinks his finger down to the first knuckle, and Jeongguk almost thinks he’s
won, but then it’s gone. “You were doing so well earlier.”
Almost instinctively, a whine builds at the back of Jeongguk’s throat, but he
swallows it.
“Oh, you’re almost there,” Taehyung encourages. “Tell me, Jeongguk. Tell
hyung.”
He’s weak, and Taehyung knows it, especially when he leans over Jeongguk to
press his lips against the spot underneath his ear, kissing delicately and
humming. Oh, does Jeongguk want to beg.
“Baby,” he murmurs, and there’s almost a rasp to it.  Fuck . “Hyung wants to
fuck you so badly, fuck you so good. Don’t you want me to do that?” Another
lingering kiss. “Just tell hyung what you want, tell hyung how badly you want
his fingers.”
“P-Please,” he starts, and then he can’t stop. “Hyung, fuck me with your
fingers, please - wanna feel them, want y- you .” There’s a sound of approval
as the first wet digit sinks into him.
He moans in relief, but Taehyung’s lips swallow it. It’s only seconds before
Jeongguk is begging for another.
“M-More, hyung, want more,” he sighs against his mouth. “Please.”
Taehyung indulges him, sliding in a second finger and beginning to scissor him
open. The feeling is sublime, one that makes Jeongguk want to roll his eyes in
the back of his head, but he knows better, especially when Taehyung is pulling
his lips between his teeth in order to leave them a bitten red.
“Can you take another, princess? You’re doing so well.”
Jeongguk nods, and his mouth falls open as Taehyung eases in a third.
“G-God,  yeah ,” he pants, hitching his leg up on Taehyung’s slim waist to
provide a deeper angle.
“You’re so tight,” he whispers. “Gonna have to  really  loosen you up,
babydoll.”
Jeongguk whimpers at his words, but they go straight to his throbbing cock. He
pushes his hips up in time with Taehyung’s fingers, but they’re not enough. He
knows what would be enough, but he doubts Taehyung is going to give it to him
that easily.
The hand comes back around his throat, thumb coming up to press against
Jeongguk’s lips. He obediently opens his mouth, swallowing down Taehyung's
finger and giving it kittenish licks. He keeps his eyes open, even as there’s a
tightening of the hand at his neck.
It's not harsh, and he can still breathe, but it's enough to make the feeling
amplify by a tenfold. He wants to gasp, but he doesn't think he can. It's
incredibly erotic, and Taehyung picks this as the right time to brush the pads
of his fingers along his neglected prostate.
The combined feelings are all too much, and Jeongguk presses his teeth into
Taehyung’s thumb the tiniest bit to release some tension.
The fingers retract, Jeongguk complaining, but then Taehyung is releasing his
neck as well and scooting back further to lay on his elbows.
“C’mere,” he says, grabbing for Jeongguk’s thighs and sliding them over his
shoulders. “Don’t be shy.”
But Jeongguk can’t help but to be a little timid with this, because Taehyung
has  never  eaten him out - hell, Hoseok had only done it once or twice. He
feels entirely exposed like this, but then Taehyung’s tongue is pressing
against his rim, and it’s so hot and wet that he wonders why he’s never begged
for his mouth to be there. He's not pressing in, only absolutely soaking
Jeongguk’s opening with his tongue, but it already had the younger wanting to
press into the feeling.
“ Oh,  wow,” Jeongguk pants, and he can feel Taehyung smirk.
He feels the older boy’s tongue slip inside easily, but it's so different from
his fingers,  worlds  different. It’s more flexible and it's hot and wet and
twisting directly against his prostate .
“ Fuck fuck fuck, ” Jeongguk gasps, his hips pushing against Taehyung’s mouth.
It's explosive, the sensation building from Taehyung’s talented tongue, and his
head is spinning.
Why hadn't it felt this good when Hoseok had been the one doing it?
He immediately pushes that thought away, his lethargic hands reaching for
Taehyung's hair. It's soft between his fingers, and he pulls it on it to show
how much he's appreciating how terribly gifted his mouth truly is.
Taehyung hums in reply, his tongue occupied, and the vibration goes straight to
the sensitive bundle of nerves inside Jeongguk.
“ Taehyung , oh my god,” he groans, his back arching. His breathing is heavy
and his legs have gone to something closer to liquid than flesh and bone.
“Yeah, there.”
The tip of his tongue is swirling and pressing and smothering his prostate with
attention, driving Jeongguk insane and making his cock throb even more than it
was before. He wants to cum, he wants to cum so badly, and he can't think of a
better way to do so.
“Wanna cum,” he breathes, “ Ngh , hyung, please.”
He can feel his organs approaching, and with the way Taehyung is relentlessly
abusing him with his tongue, he won't last much longer.
“ Please , Taehyung, I -” He chokes as the first spurt of cum splashes onto his
stomach. “ Hah,  oh my god,  shit.”
It takes all he can not to close his eyes and sink into the feeling, but he
resists, keeping the steady gaze between them. Taehyung’s eyes almost cloud
over at watching Jeongguk unravel on his tongue, but Jeongguk is only just
managing to keep himself from screaming. He can't stop quivering at the
feeling, beginning to shrink away from Taehyung’s mouth as it becomes too
powerful, and even as Taehyung retracts, there are tremors splashing all
through Jeongguk’s muscles.
“You've been so good, baby, keeping your eyes open for hyung,” Taehyung
praises, his body coming to cage in Jeongguk and kiss him softly. Jeongguk can
taste himself, the bitterness, but it's not awful.
“Hyung, please, fuck me,” he mumbles, calmed from his orgasm but still wanting
Taehyung sheathed inside of him. “Want your cock.”
Taehyung chuckles, not bothering to push away Jeongguk’s hands as they unfasten
his jeans and jerk them down, nor when they shove his underwear out of the way.
They're not completely off, only just below Taehyung’s knees, but it's more
than enough freedom for Taehyung to fuck him into the mattress.
“ Please ,” he begs softly against Taehyung’s lips, grasping for the elder
boy’s member, his lithe fingers curling around the shaft and jerking towards
himself.
Taehyung lets out a soft sigh, and Jeongguk almost wants to have him fuck his
mouth because of how generous he's been, but he wants to be fucked  now .
“Turn over for me, babydoll,” Taehyung says, leaning up so that Jeongguk can
move. He obeys, rolling over onto his stomach and getting on all fours, pushing
his ass into the air invitingly. Taehyung can't resist the urge to give it a
hard slap.
Jeongguk jolts forward, but the sound he allows to slip from his lips lets
Taehyung know they've found something else to try out - but another time.
He pulls Jeongguk back towards him by his hips, appreciatively running his
palms over the globes of his pert ass. He lets one hand slide up his back,
pressing into him to force him to lower in order to raise his backside more. He
leniently does so.
“Good boy,” Taehyung tells him, praising him by running soothing circles into
the dip of his spine with his thumb. “You've been such a good boy for me,
sweetheart, such a good boy.” He leans down to kiss where he's been circling,
using his other hand to guide himself to Jeongguk’s eager hole. “Hyung’s gonna
reward you, Jeongguk. Do you want your reward?”
Jeongguk nodded, cheek pressed against the bedding. He can feel the head of
Taehyung’s dick sliding against his asshole, slippery from the lube, the
precome, and the excess of Taehhyung’s saliva.
“I can't hear your head shake, angel. Use your words.”
“Yes, hyung, please let me have my reward.” His voice is turning hoarse, so
beautifully hoarse, and Taehyung would want to make him scream and cry if he
didn't know they weren't alone in the house.
He spares a glance towards the clock. It's nearing 9:30 - perhaps he  could …
Jeongguk’s body doesn't resist at all as he pushes in. It seems to pull him in
more, even when he's reached the end. Jeongguk flexes his muscles around him,
groaning.
“Feels so nice,” he says, his legs falling further apart. “R-Really fill me up,
so  full .”
Taehyung testingly thrusts forward, and he sees Jeongguk’s grip on the sheets
tighten, his knuckles turning white.
“Missed my cock, huh, baby?” Taehyung teases.
He rocks again, and Jeongguk whines.
“Y-Yeah,” he stutters. “S-So good.”
“God, you've gotten so tight,” Taehyung mutters, his pace becoming steadier as
they adjust. “You feel amazing, baby.”
It's something they're familiar with, fucking, but there's something refreshing
about it, too, and Jeongguk tries to credit that to the fact they haven't done
it in two weeks. (He wouldn't admit that two weeks was more than enough time
for him to want to beg Taehyung for his cock.)
It's hot and wet, making the slide between their bodies so incredibly easy and
smooth, squelching obscenely ever so slightly. It could be more forceful, if
Jeongguk was honest, often  was  more forceful. He was too acquainted with
Taehyung's ability to make him whine out of desperation. Taehyung, however,
seemed to be taking his time with him, fucking him with just enough strength to
jostle him, but not nearly enough to pin him down in place.
Nonetheless, Jeongguk hears himself moaning wantonly, the sounds breaking off
into something high-pitched and needy at each jab of Taehyung’s hips. The
amount of time they've spent apart has each prominent vein of Taehyung's cock
burning deep into Jeongguk’s insides.
“Still take my cock so well, princess,” he says, his eyes soaking up the view
of Jeongguk’s ass swallowing him up without hesitation.
The younger boy has almost gone limp underneath him, barely holding himself up
properly, and Taehyung’s hand finds purchase in the boy’s silky hair, roughing
him up and it and forcing his chin up with a harsh pull. Jeongguk’s posture is
immediately back, the concave curve in his spine almost painful, but it's so
pretty to look at. He's always so pretty to look at.
Taehyung is really fucking him open, taking his sweet time in making Jeongguk
feel every inch of him. His thrusts are slow, deep, and deliberate, the end of
them sparking more force than necessary, but it's enough meanness to let
Jeongguk know that Taehyung is being  generous  with him, entirely so.
“ Hah,  Tae- Taehyung, ” he whines, pressing his hips back in order to meet his
thrusts. There's a hard pull at his hair, forcing his neck to be exposed, and
Taehyung's mouth is all over the skin there. “More,  please , more.”
“Not enough for you, baby? Wanna really take my cock like a good boy?”
“Yes,  please ,” he whines.
Taehyung releases his hair, pulling out and shoving Jeongguk down so hard that
his arms cannot hold him up. Then he's grasping at his upper arms, jerking him
over much like a mindless doll onto his back. Jeongguk loves it, loves how
ruthless he is with him, loves how he forcefully pulls Jeongguk back towards
him by his thighs, hooking them around his waist, before realigning and sliding
right back in. It almost feels even better at this position, Taehyung’s pelvis
almost relaxed in order to get that perfect angle.
Everything’s too warm, scorching him, but it's so good and Taehyung's mouth is
grazing against his, licking his lips open in order to trace the bottom one
with his hot tongue. Compared to the barbaric pace he's ramming into Jeongguk’s
body, it's almost gentle.
“God, fuck, hyung,” he's pleading into the older’s mouth, “wanna-  oh , wanna
cum.”
“You're so riled up for hyung, babydoll,” he says sweetly, one of his hands
lifting up Jeongguk’s leg higher on his waist. He slides a centimeter deeper,
slowly pressing further into him, and the head of Taehyung's shaft feels like
it's pressing into his stomach. He's so stretched, so fucked, and he doesn't
care . “Look so pretty like this, Jeongguk, always so pretty for hyung.”
Jeongguk preens under the compliment, the heat licking at his skin suddenly
feeling entirely liquid - and so does the rest of his body. He doesn't want
Taehyung to stop fucking into him, never wants him to stop, and there's a large
hand squeezing at his throat now.
Everything suddenly blurs together, and he hears Taehyung rumble out, “Cum for
me, angel, come on.”
Then Jeongguk is arching his back, fingers coming to grapple at Taehyung's
wrist. The pressure on his throat makes breathing slightly harder, but the
small theft of oxygen has him focusing on other things, on how it feels when
Taehyung's teeth are sinking into his earlobe and gently pulling, the little
growl the older boy lets out.
Combined with the relentless sensation of Taehyung’s cock heavily pressing
against Jeongguk’s swollen prostate, swollen head catching on his abused rim,
it's altogether more than enough to push him off the edge.
He immediately stiffens at the feeling, body taut and trembling as the first
tremors of his second orgasm wrack his body. Then the pleasure is all over him
and underneath his skin, pathetic, breathy moaning ripping its way from his
mouth. He's being loud -  so  loud - but it doesn't seem entirely illogical for
him to die from pleasure right now.
“Taehyung,  f-fuck yeah , p- please .”
“There you go, baby, such a good boy. Hyung’s good little boy,” he murmurs,
almost gently kissing underneath his ear, and he slows momentarily so that
Jeongguk can truly ride out his pleasure, but then he's picking up the pace to
find his own.
Jeongguk’s body still willingly opens up to him, so hot and fucked that it's
almost lazy. But it's driving him crazy when it's accompanied by timed whimpers
from Jeongguk’s mouth, determined by how hard Taehyung has made his thrusts.
Jeongguk can feel the throbbing of Taehyung’s cock, knowing he's close, and
wants to moan -
He's suddenly empty as Taehyung pulls out, groaning as he quickly fists himself
to orgasm, spilling all over his hand and dropping onto Jeongguk’s softening
dick.
At first, he's confused, but upon seeing the cum freely dripping, he
understands. Upon reaching into the sheets around him, he finds the flimsily
metallic packet.
“You didn't put on a condom,” he breathes, and somehow, it all makes sense -
how affected he was by the definition of his cock, how much smoother the slide
was, how much  rougher  and  primal  it was. Suddenly, he wishes Taehyung
hadn't even pulled out.
“Yeah,” he looks guilty. “I forgot in the moment - it was shitty of me.”
“No, no,” Jeongguk shakes his head, his chest feeling entirely too light and
warm. “I mean, you're clean, right? You're clean.”
He nods, sitting up straighter. “Yeah. And you? You're… clean.”
He says it uncertainly, and Jeongguk knows why. He still does have the
occasional tryst with Hoseok.
“Yeah, yeah, Hoseok - he always uses condoms. There's no one else.”
“Good,” Taehyung murmurs, leaning back down in order to drag his mouth along
Jeongguk’s collarbone. The younger isn't sure what's “good” - the fact Hoseok
uses condoms or if there's no one else. He pins it to the former. “Now that I
know what it feels like, I’d really enjoy fucking you raw again. If you're okay
with it.”
Jeongguk wants to smile, but Taehyung’s teeth are nipping at a bruise and it
makes him shiver. “Y-Yeah, of course.” He swallows. “I’d like that.”
Taehyung pulls up. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he nods. “And you don't - don't have to pull out if you don't want to.”
A devilish smirk curls at Taehyung's lips. “Oh, you really are such a slut for
me, aren't you?”
There's shame burning at Jeongguk’s cheeks, but he doesn't feel ashamed. He
turns his head to the side, burying the side of his face into his pillowcase.
“Shut up.”
“Aw, baby, you don't really want me to shut up, though, do you?” He asks,
pressing his lips back to Jeongguk’s neck again, slowly dragging them down. His
tongue flicks across a nipple, making it harden underneath the gesture. Then
his tongue is flattening against the firmness of Jeongguk’s abdomen, licking up
the still warm cum.
Jeongguk feels his cock twitch in interest, but there's a steady protest of his
body. He doesn't actually know if he has the energy to go again. He's fucked
out as it is, and the lingering effects of the high make him want to curl up
and sleep.
“Taehyung, stop, I can't -” he protests, but as the boy’s hot mouth gets closer
to his dick, it hardens even more.
“Can't you? You seem to already be wanting it again.” He pulls Jeongguk’s legs
apart even more, kissing along the curves of his thigh. The flesh gives between
his lips, making it easy to bite down on.
Jeongguk shrieks hoarsely, but his hips buck in interest.
“Let me worship you, baby,” Taehyung murmurs into his skin. “I've been so
neglectful of you -” He kisses the new bite mark. “- and I know you can cum for
me one more time.”
The younger boy swallows, leaning his head back and accepting his fate. It
doesn't come quickly or mercifully, as Taehyung is licking and kissing and
biting his inner thighs until he's whimpering in protest, cock flushed and
painfully hard.
“Keep your hands above your head for hyung, okay, sweetheart?”
Jeongguk nods dumbly, his eyes already wanting to loll to the back of his head
and drown in the feeing of Taehyung's mouth against him. He already knows
there's going to be an abundance of red marks there come morning. He wouldn't
be surprised if they've already started forming.
Taehyung stretches his mouth open to swallow down his erection, taking it to
the base immediately.
“ Oh ,” he moans, wanting to bury his hands in Taehyung's hair, but knows the
consequences of not behaving. In any other circumstance, he would be all for
pushing Taehyung to his breaking point, but he's already so fucked out, so
sleepy , and wants to just take whatever Taehyung will give him.  Take, take,
take.
Taehyung has always been too talented with his mouth, his plush lips providing
luscious cushion, the inside of his throat all too hot but not hot enough at
the same time. His mouth forms a suction as he starts to bob his head, cheeks
hollowing obscenely. It goes straight to Jeongguk’s core, the feeling too much
for his sensitive body.
He buries his fingers into the mattress above his head, digging in to try and
relieve some of the pressure building.
“Oh, fuck,  oh,”  he gasps, and Taehyung starts swallowing around him each time
he reaches the base. “God, Taehyung,  love  your mouth.”
He chuckles in response, and Jeongguk tenses in response. The vibrations almost
had him there, almost had him cumming brazenly down Taehyung’s throat, but then
it's gone, and he's panting, unsatisfied and all too wound up.
“Please, don't tease me,” he mewls. “Hyung, wanna cum, please, let me cum.”
Taehyung moans at how submissive he's turned, and the vibrations bring him to
the brink once more.
“Oh, God,  shit,”  he rasps, “please, Tae, don't stop, the vibra -  oh! ”
His back arches entirely off the bed as Taehyung has begun to moan endlessly,
the feeling crackling straight up his spine and back down again in delicious
pleasure. He starts to buck his hips up, but Taehyung has him firmly pinned
down with his nimble hands, lithe fingers surely pressing bruises into the
skin.
One of Taehyung's thumbs start rubbing circles into his hipbone, their eyes
briefly meeting, and then the pleasure overtakes Jeongguk, ripping through his
body.
He means to scream, but his voice is so shot that is only comes out as a hoarse
imitation of one. He's spilling into Taehyung’s mouth, but he doesn't even
hesitate to swallow it all. He holds himself down until Jeongguk is finished,
and then he pulls away to lick him clean, making him protest at the rawness.
Taehyung sits back, allowing Jeongguk to slowly stretch and straighten his
legs. He watches Taehyung fish his jeans up from around his knees, fastening
them. His sex hair is off the charts, likely from when he had his tongue
slithering all around inside of Jeongguk, and if Jeongguk had the libido, he
would want him all over again. But he's had three orgasms and can't bring
himself to even think like that.
“Mm, sleepy,” he mumbles, but he sits up anyway. His shirt is bunched
underneath his arms - the only article of clothing he'd had left - and he pulls
it off impatiently, throwing it onto the floor. He searched for the bottle of
lube and the unused condom, sliding them back into their place as well. He
knows his movements are sluggish, but he can't bring himself to move any
faster.
“What time is it?” He asks, standing to his feet. He opens up a drawer,
rummaging around until he finds a pair of sweats. He slides them on, not
bothering to put on underwear.
“Little after ten,” Taehyung responds.
“You can sleep over if you want,” he offers, and for some reason, there's a
heavy tension between them. Or maybe there isn't and Jeongguk is imagining
things. “It's late, and you live a little ways out.”
“That didn't bother you when you texted me you had weed.” Taehyung doesn't look
at him.
“I - uh -”
“Relax, Jeonggukkie, I'm joking.” He can hear the small smile. “Do you want me
to stay?”
At first, he doesn't answer, instead picking up his clothes from the floor and
putting them in his laundry basket. Then he turns to face Taehyung’s back,
fidgeting with his fingers.
“Uh, y-yeah.” It’s quiet, and he almost thinks Taehyung doesn't hear him, but
the older boy glimpses at him from over his shoulder, eyes warm.
“Then you just had to say so,” he says, shrugging his jeans back off and
kicking them to a neat pile beside Jeongguk’s bed.
Something in his chest relaxes, some of the tension resolved. He wants to fall
into the bed beside him without hesitation, it's something he would normally
do, but he stops himself.
Taehyung doesn't notice, settling down in his normal spot, the spot beside the
nightstand. He looks up towards the younger.
“Why are you just standing there? I thought you were sleepy.” He's grinning
softly.
In truth, he is, but there's a strange tightness buzzing in his head, in his
chest. He's  nervous , and he finds Hoseok’s words spinning in his head.
He shoves them away. Instead, he smiles reassuringly.
“I am,” he says, crawling onto his spot beside the wall. His safe spot, his
secure spot, but the bedding feels cold.
Taehyung feels for the knob on the lamp, shrouding the room in darkness with a
click , and relaxes, instinctively wrapping his arms around Jeongguk loosely,
his chest warm against the younger’s bare back.
There's nothing romantic about this - it's something Taehyung does with all of
their friends. He likes physical contact, as he always has. But sometimes
Jeongguk wishes it was romantic, wishes he was the only one that Taehyung would
hold like this.
“Goodnight,” Jeongguk whispers, but it's dry and it doesn't sound like his
voice at all.
“Night, Jeonggukkie,” comes the reply, and it's only a handful of minutes
before his breathing has evened out, body lax.
But Jeongguk is wide awake, anticipating  something , but that something never
comes, and neither does peaceful sleep.
 
Yoongi is absolutely plastered, and he's  pissed , but all things considered,
he's holding himself up pretty well.
“Y’know, she's got a lotta nerve to act like I haven't fuckin’ babied her
enough, y’know? Askin’ me if she can have more money, then spittin’ in my face
when I tell ‘er no.” He shakes his head. “Sucha sorry excuse for a mother, ah?
Not like she can even wear  that  title. It’d be a mockery to all decent
mothers, y’know.”
Jeongguk only sips at his beer. It's his second, and he's nowhere near tipsy,
but maybe he thinks he should be. He has nowhere to be tomorrow, or the day
after that, or the day after that.
Unlike Taehyung, who would be moving to Seoul in three weeks in order to get
settled before the semester started.
Yes, he definitely should be drunk.
Three beers later and he's getting there. Should  be  there, but he'd had a
large lunch and suddenly hates his weakness for seafood. Or maybe he is there,
because his feet aren't quite moving the way they should be, and it seems like
Yoongi’s ranting has died down to a dull roar in his ear.
“Gonna get some air,” he mumbles, but he doesn't think Jimin quite hears him.
He nudges his shoulder before repeating himself.
“Whoa, are you okay? How many have you had?” He asks, starting to stand to
help. “Here, let me walk you.”
Jeongguk brushes his hands off. “No, no, M’good, hyung, promise.”
The balcony of the apartment building does offer a nice view of the city. The
sun’s gone down completely, but there's a glow from the fluorescent city
lights.
Beautiful. Who would ever want to leave?
Yoongi and Seokjin split the rent of the apartment, and if it wasn't for
Seokjin’s ambitious drive to be a lawyer, they might not be able to afford it.
Yoongi pays his fair share, but he doesn't make a lawyer’s paycheck. To be
fair, neither does Seokjin, but he's close.
Jeongguk wishes he could live like this, with his friends, and go back to
college with them this fall. But he's still stuck in high school, always stuck
where he can't follow. The baby.
Not for the first time, he wants to scream about how unfair it is that he's the
youngest. Not for the last, either, he already knows.
Jeongguk realizes that his friends have made roots here, and they're not
leaving. He’ll still be able to see them after school and hang out, but he
won't be able to live every day like this. In another month or so, he’ll have
to go back to school while they're sleeping in, write lines of equations while
they're making money, securing their future. Being independent.
Independent. That's what Jeongguk wanted to be.
He's not sure why he wants it so badly and why he wants it  now.  Of course, he
always wanted to be on his own, but has been able to stand the wait until he
graduates. But now, it seems unbearable. Those nine months are almost akin to
death, and he doesn't know why.
He stirs when he hears the sliding door behind him open, hands he didn't
realize were gripping the railing way too tightly loosening. But they're stiff
and sweaty now.
“Yoongi really has some deep-rooted issues with his mom, huh?” Taehyung says,
trying to make a joke.
Unconsciously, Jeongguk reached up to touch the marks on his neck, just
starting to fade even after a week. He almost wishes they'd last for three
more. And then three more after that.
“Jeongguk?”
He jumps, focusing on Taehyung. There's a worried expression on the older boy’s
face.
“What? Oh, yeah.” He smiles. “He's gotta blow off steam, though. Kinda fucked
she keeps asking for money.”
“Entirely fucked,” Taehyung agrees. He leans on his forearms against the
railing, a warm breeze rifling in his hair. He should get it cut soon, but
maybe he likes the length. He sucks in a deep breath, as if savoring the taste
of life here, and slowly exhales. “I'm gonna miss it here.”
This is exactly where Jeongguk didn't want the conversation to go. He doesn't
want to talk about this, not now, because he feels too strongly about it, feels
too much, and he suddenly understands why he wants to be independent so badly
at this moment.
“Yeah?” he asks lightly instead, swallowing down everything else.
“Yeah, definitely gonna miss it,” he decides.
“It's gonna miss you, too,” he replies, but then corrects himself. “We’re going
to miss you.” That's still not right. “ I'm  going to miss you.”
Taehyung doesn't say anything, only breaching the space between them to
interlock their fingers carefully, as if he's afraid Jeongguk is going to pull
away, which, honestly, he was thinking about doing. But there's such warmth in
the gesture. Not the icky, sweltering warmth of the summer, but the fuzzy
warmth that comes with a crackling fire.
They don't say anything, but Jeongguk is eventually the one to pull away,
leaving Taehyung outside alone.
 
It's hard, Jeongguk will admit, hanging around with his friends when Taehyung
is there. There's too much complication now, for him at least, and a simple
smile is never just a simple smile. It's killing him to hear how happy Taehyung
is to be moving to a larger city, how excited he is to be attending such a nice
university.
He pretends to be happy, he really does, and part of him is ecstatic that he's
doing what he wants with his life, but when his friends are gone and he's alone
again, it all seems horrible, everything seems horrible, and he wants to drink
until he vomits up all those horrible thoughts.
Hoseok, ever the unlikely friend, is one of the last ones to hang around in his
room one evening after the others had left.
“Need something, hyung?” He asks, straightening his bed from where Namjoon and
Jimin had been lounging on it.
“No,” he shakes his head. “I just… I wanted to apologize for the way I acted.”
It's the most general thing he could say, but Jeongguk knows what he means.
“No, it's okay,” he says, tucking the sheets properly. “You were upset.”
“I didn't mean what I said when I told you I wouldn't be here for you. I could
never mean that. You're my friend before anything else, Jeongguk, and I'm
here.” He lets it hang for a moment. “If you wanted to talk about it, that is.”
Jeongguk smiles at him. “There's nothing to talk about.”
Hoseok sighs, walking over and shutting the door. “Jeongguk, stop.”
“What?”
“Stop - stop  this. ” He gestured wildly towards the entirety of the younger’s
being. “You may fool the others with your good intentions act, but I see how
much pain you're in.”
“I'm not in any pain,” he shrugs, desperately tensing his face to keep the
smile intact.
“Alright,” Hoseok shrugs, “So all the empty bottles underneath your bed must be
from leisure time, right?”
He stiffens. “Of course. What else?”
“Jesus, you're fucking drowning in this, kid,” he says. He looks at Jeongguk
for a hard second. “Don't block yourself off from us, okay? We’re your friends,
and we love you. If you don't want to talk to me, that's perfectly fine. If
you'd rather talk to Jimin or Namjoon or Seokjin, that's fine, too - in fact, I
encourage you talking to them. Just don't isolate yourself, Jeongguk.”
There isn't a reply, so Hoseok reaches towards the door.
“Hyung, wait,” he speaks, his voice quiet.
“Mm?”
“What did you mean when you said Taehyung would fuck me over? Why did you tell
me that?”
“I've known Taehyung for a long time, you know. I've seen him do some awful
things to the people that cared about him.”
“We’ve all broken hearts. That doesn't make him a bad person.”
Hoseok falters at this, breaking eye contact.
“You're not telling me something.”
The guilty look on his face tells Jeongguk that he's right.
“I shouldn’t - You can't let anyone else know I told you this.”
“What is it?”
“It was a secret and it still is.” He puts his hands in the pockets of his
jeans, trying to smile a little. “Taehyung and I… we were, ah, fuckbuddies
throughout my time in high school. Of course, you know I graduated before he
did, and we stopped fucking around because I was planning on moving back to
Gwangju to be with my sister.”
Jeongguk does remember. Hoseok’s sister had been through a draining divorce,
and he had wanted to move in with her until she was stabilized again.
“Taehyung was very… upset with me for my decision. He had read in between the
lines and had feelings towards me that I didn't return. He cut off all personal
contact with me for a while after that. I couldn't even get him to be alone
with me. Then, when the plan with my sister fell through and I stayed, we
realized that we would have to stop being immature and deal with it in order to
salvage the friendship.” He scratched the back of his head. “The others, they
don't know about us fucking around. They just think Taehyung and I were close,
and he was distraught over me leaving. We played that up, because Taehyung had
been dating that girl from his physics class, remember? And the entire
situation was wrong.”
Jeongguk blinked. “But if Taehyung had a girlfriend, why did you guys keep…?”
“I didn't know! Please don't think that way about me,” Hoseok blurted, eyes
widening. “The first few weeks they were together, I had no idea. Jimin asked
about her one day while we were all together, and that was the first I heard
about her. I wanted to stop things with him, because who the  fuck  does that?
Why wouldn't he at least tell me he was with someone? But he said he was only
dating her for a while to get her off his back.”
Jeongguk’s brows furrowed. “They were together for a year.”
“I know,” Hoseok nods, “and I realized that Taehyung just wants everything he
can have. He wanted me, wanted her, and now he wants you.”
Jeongguk sat down slowly onto his bed, the mattress sinking beneath his weight.
It was hard for him to envision someone like Taehyung as selfish, but he didn't
think Hoseok would lie to him about something like this. Would he?
“Hyung, this isn’t -  doesn’t  seem like Taehyung.” He swallows, gnawing on his
lip.
“I knew you wouldn’t believe me, Jeongguk, which is why I didn’t tell you last
time,” he sighed, his eyes closing slowly. “Just please,  please  be careful
with him. The last thing I want is to see him hurt you when I could have
helped.”
He looks up at his older friend and nods. “I will.”
 
At least, Jeongguk says he will, but the next night he’s being fucked into the
mattress again, Taehyung’s hands pressing all new bruises into his hips and
leaving the imprints of his teeth into Jeongguk’s willing flesh. He tells
himself it’s the mind-blowing sex, the reason he’s become so weak for Taehyung,
but he knows it’s much deeper than that. There’s another addiction that has
been seeping into his brain, one with a warm laugh  and a smile that comes much
too easily.
The afterglow of his orgasm fizzles beneath his skin, his breathing still
ragged. His body feels as if it’s been through a trainwreck, but could
trainwrecks make you feel that wonderful?
They’re at Taehyung’s house this time, the older boy’s parents at work, and
honestly, midday may be early for a fuck, but Jeongguk would never turn down
Taehyung, not for something like this. He tries to not think that he wouldn't
turn Taehyung down for anything else, either.
Jeongguk isn’t sleepy, laying sprawled on his back, but Taehyung’s bed has
always been more comfortable than his has, and he’s exhausted. Without his
permission, his eyes start to lose their focus on the ceiling.
“How’s Hoseok?” Taehyung asks nonchalantly, pulling a shirt over his head from
where he’s sitting on the side of his bed. He’s already put his boxers back on.
He reclines back onto his pillow, crossing his arms behind his head.
“Hm?” Jeongguk responds, turning his head towards him in interest.
“It’s just… You don’t seem to be having marks from him anymore.” Taehyung
blinks. “Are you guys alright?”
He nods, shrugging. “Yeah, we’re fine. Just haven’t gotten around to fucking
anymore, really.”
“Mm,” he acknowledges, and Jeongguk looks back up at the ceiling. “I found out
who my roommate is going to be.”
Oh, right . For a moment, he had forgotten that Taehyung was moving.
“Yeah?” He asked, a smile on his face.
“Yeah, some kid that’s lived in Seoul his whole life.”
“At least someone will know where they’re going.” Jeongguk found that the joke
slipped from his lips easier than he would have thought possible.
“Don’t be a dick to me, Jeonggukkie. Don’t you want my last week to be full of
nothing but beautiful memories?”
Jeongguk ignored that the comment of it being his last week. “Beautiful
memories? With you? That’s a longshot.”
Taehyung chuckled, seeming content for them to melt into silence. But Jeongguk
had so many questions, so many things that he wanted to say.
Another type of feeling starts biting underneath his skin, one that reminded
him altogether of the feeling he experienced when they had fucked the last
time. His stomach twisted into knots, and he knew that he couldn’t keep it up.
He couldn’t. It was tearing him apart to keep up this facade. He wanted more
than this, wanted more than stolen kisses behind closed doors and fucking when
their friends were in the next room just for a thrill. That was amazing, and he
loved it, but it wasn’t  enough  for him. He wanted kisses willingly given,
too, and soft intertwining of the fingers when they were with their friends.
But a part of what Hoseok had told him stuck. Taehyung wouldn’t want any of
that -  didn’t  want any of that, and that was why he should stop this now. He
was just being selfish. The sooner he cut it off, the sooner he could heal. The
sooner he could go back to his normal life.
“Taehyung,” he began, and he tried to ignore the tremor in his voice. “I don’t
think we should do this anymore.” He sounded scared, and he knew he was,
because there was something different about this time as opposed to the others.
There wasn’t a lethargic note in him right now, wasn’t a glassy look to his
eyes. They were completely sober, and that terrified Jeongguk to his very core,
because that meant that there was something there behind all of their
inebriated traipses. Or, there was something there for Jeongguk, and the
possibility that Taehyung was using sober sex as a tool was enough to make him
feel sick.
There was silence for a long time, but Jeongguk could hear his heart racing in
his ears. He dared a glance towards the other boy.
“Okay,” he replied quietly, his eyes zoned in on some spot above him. “Do you
need a ride home?”
For some reason, tears stung in Jeongguk’s eyes, and he wanted to bitterly
laugh. “ God, you really didn’t give a shit about me, did you?”  he wanted to
ask. His voice would drip with malice, and Taehyung would ask what he meant.
They would argue, and Jeongguk would cry. A lot. And Taehyung would understand,
and turn out to not be the person that Hoseok had said he was.
But the one problem about the whole situation was that he  is  the person that
Hoseok said he was, so Jeongguk only sat up, shaking his head. “No, I can have
Hoseok pick me up. He wanted to go see a movie today, anyway.” It was a lie,
but it sounded believable.
“Okay,” Taehyung said again. Was that all he could say?
Jeongguk was out of his house less than five minutes later, not another word
said between them. It was blistering out, but he didn’t feel it as he walked
home.
 
“Aren’t you a senior this year?” A girl asked Jeongguk, her eyes bloodshot and
words a little slurred together.
“Yeah,” he nodded, flashing her a winning smile. She seemed pleased at this.
Jeongguk had seen her before, and she told him that she had graduated this
year, from the school in the next city over. She was pretty, too, with dark
hair and large brown eyes. She was slender, yes, but still intact with feminine
curves. She was probably popular, if her trusting smile and easy nature was
anything to go by. She also probably knew the person who had thrown this party,
Jeongguk would bet, and had been invited personally, instead of crashing it
like he had.
But desperate times call for desperate measures when your friends are all busy.
Luckily enough, it seemed this girl had a liking for Jeongguk, and she wasn't
bad company. He found that she was better company as time went on and her cup
grew empty, full, and then empty again. His own cup had gone through the same
cycle.
“What's your name?” Her eyes are almost completely closed at this point, the
alcohol making her want to relax.
“Jeongguk,” he says, smiling widely at her demeanor. She's practically leaning
against the wall behind her with all of her weight, slightly swaying on her
feet. He can't remember when he started leaning in close to her, because
really, they weren't talking about anything serious, but it's nice. “What's
yours?”
“Miok,” she replied, and she grinned.
There's a gap in his memory, but the next thing he's aware of is Miok’s lips
against his, and they're no longer in the main room of the party. They're in a
hallway, and he can still hear the music even though it's more faint.
“C’mon,” Miok murmurs, her voice a little rough.
Her smaller hand slips into Jeongguk’s, and for someone smaller than him, she
manages to pull him quietly easily into an empty room. They're a stumbling
mess, and maybe that's why she can pull him so easily, but she's hardly any
better at this point.
Jeongguk doesn't remember anything about the room, except that he's immediately
pushed down onto the mattress and Miok is straddling him. Her waist feels nice
in his hold, and her mouth is trailing hot kisses down his neck.
When he wakes up, there's a dull ache in the space of his forehead between his
eyes and he's naked. He hesitantly reaches out to feel the sheets beside him,
but they’re empty. Part of him sighs in relief, but it’s short-lived, because
the other part of him suddenly remembers that he’s not in his own house
Jeongguk slowly sits up, his body complaining, and shuffles over to the window
to peek through the blinds. The sun is just now starting to turn the sky pink,
so he supposes that he could sleep more if he wanted, but now he’s not
plastered and sleeping in someone else’s bed doesn’t have the same appeal.
How far away from his own home was he?
He thinks for a moment, retracing the walk he took here, and he knows it won’t
be so bad since the sun isn’t up yet. That means he won’t be covered in his own
sweat and drenched in the smell of alcohol by the time he gets there. Fuck,
what  day  is it?
The door creaks, and he’s lunging for his clothes. He barely has the time to
shuffle on his boxers when a female peeks around the corner. Miok.
“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be awake,” she apologizes. “I’ll step out while
you get dressed. Wait, I can get you some towels if you want to shower, too.”
He feels awkward on his feet. “Oh, um,” he looks around, “isn’t that a bit
weird to offer?”
“Why would that be weird? It’s my house.”
His eyebrows shoot up, and he’s suddenly embarrassed. Wow, not only does he
crash a party, but he manages to run into the hostess and fuck her. The luck he
has. “Really?”
“Well, technically, it’s my aunt’s house, but same thing.” She smiles. “So,
towel?”
He accepts the offer graciously, the water reviving him more than coffee ever
could. He tries not to let the fact that he has to change back into his party
clothes affect him.
When he gets out of the bathroom, Miok is sitting on the bed - probably  her
bed - reading a magazine and drinking a cup of tea. She nods approvingly when
she sees him.
“You look refreshed,” she says.
“I am,” he smiles. “Thank you.”
Her eyes wander back down to the article she was reading, and an awkwardness
hangs. But then something hit hims that makes him want to vomit.
“What day is it?” He asks.
“Wow,” she laughs, “you really must have gone hard last night.”
“No, I just, I don’t really keep up with the days anymore. Lose track of them
during the summer and all that.” But that’s not the real reason he hasn’t been
looking at his calendar.
“It’s Thursday.”
Thursday. It’s Thursday. He feels like he can breathe better now.
“You look like you’re recovering from a heart attack,” she notices, but there’s
an openness to her face that shows no judgement.
“Something like that,” he tries to give her a smile, but he knows it looks odd
on his face. “I should - I should be going home, don’t you think? I’ve already
overstayed my welcome.”
“So you really are going to keep running from it, aren’t you?” She asks.
The hand reaching for his phone and wallet freezes, and he attempts a laugh.
“What?”
“Last night, afterwards, we were laying down and about to drift off, but you
started talking about how you wanted to keep running and running and never
stop. You said it would hurt if you stopped, because then you would have to
face it.” She’s laid her magazine down, and she sits up straighter. “I don’t
know anything about your situation, Jeongguk, but even marathon runners have to
stop sometime. Pain doesn’t go away if you ignore it.”
“Yeah,” he mumbles. “It doesn’t.”
“Stop running, Jeongguk.”
“I will, eventually.” His hand somehow finds the will to close around his
belongings. “Thank you for letting me sleep over and for the shower. I had a
nice time last night.”
“Yeah, me too,” she says, and her smile is back to being reassuring and
friendly. “I’ll see you around.”
“See you, noona.”
Once he’s out the door, he attempts to check the time on his phone, but he’s
not surprised to see that it’s dead. It had a shit battery, anyway, he thinks.
Luckily enough, the sun still hasn’t made its way fully up into the sky yet, so
his walk home doesn’t bother him as much as it normally would.
His dad’s truck is still in the driveway when he gets there, so he has to be
careful about the creak in the door, the give in the floor to the right of his
doorframe. He told his dad he was staying over with Namjoon, and maybe he
should have waited a bit longer before coming home, but there was something
about the way Miok talked that made him think he had spilt more than he wanted
to. And that made him uncomfortable, made him feel naked, which was ironic
seeing as she  had  seen him naked. But being physically naked and naked in the
sense of giving away all of your secrets were two entirely different matters,
and Jeongguk knows which one he prefers.
Thursday. It’s Thursday, and that meant tomorrow was Friday. Taehyung was
leaving tomorrow for Seoul, and he wouldn’t look back. Jeongguk wishes he could
say the same about himself as he left Taehyung’s house that day, when he broke
it off, but there is still evidence of his tantrum in his room. He was glad it
had been the middle of the day, because then his dad was at work and didn’t ask
questions about him slamming his door so hard that the entire house shook,
about him throwing his books, about him screaming.
No, Jeongguk definitely couldn’t say the same about himself, not when he knew
his anger bubbled down to a nonstop flow of pathetic, snotty wails. In his
head, there were so many things he wish would happen. One alternative was
Taehyung throwing his college dreams away to stay, and another showed the
university suddenly not wanting him anymore. The latter made him feel awful,
because he knew how much it would crush Taehyung to have his dream taken away
from him. But Taehyung was selfish, and maybe he deserved it because Taehyung
was  his  dream and he was being taken away.
The day passes in normality, and Jeongguk mainly tries to find things he can do
to kill time in lieu of leaving him to his own head. He cleans the house, and
by the time the sun is dipping back below the horizon, the scent of cleaner has
burned itself into his nose and made him feel as though he’ll never be able to
smell anything again. He does his laundry, as well, and finally puts his room
back into its usual order, with his books neatly on their shelves and his CDs
aligned.
When he lays into bed that night, his tongue is heavy with the taste of NyQuil,
knowing that even though he had tried, he couldn’t tire himself out. It works,
however, and he’s unconscious within five minutes.
The problem, though, is that he wakes up before dawn the next day, too, and
everything is overwhelming again. The electricity is in his skin again, but it
isn’t pleasant anymore, and he wants to rip the flesh off of his arms to make
it go away. It only gets worse over the course of an hour, and he knows he
can’t stay in his house today.
He’s dressed before he can register that he’s moving, his body running on
autopilot at this point. His phone is in his hand, along with a house key, and
he’s walking. He doesn’t know to where, he doesn’t know where he’ll stop, but
he’s somehow found his way to a park a few streets down. It’s something
familiar to him, a place he would play as a child, but there’s nothing
comforting about it now, in the bleak morning sunrise. He climbs up the slide
backwards in order to gain entrance to the jungle gym, climbing his way up to
the highest tower, which isn’t all that high at all. In fact, it’s only a few
inches taller off the ground than he is standing, but it feels secluded, and
that’s what he wants.
Once settled, he watches out of the open window to see everyone start their
daily tasks. It’s incredibly early, but there are still people coming out to
jog, walk their dogs, drive to work. There’s a wonder in his chest if they have
painful things going on, too, or if they’re at a time in their lives where
everything has fallen into place. It makes him feel a little empty.
He reaches into his pocket, pulling out his phone. He hasn’t really been on it
at all since the night he spent at Miok’s, and he has text messages from Jimin
that are over a day old. He’s about to read them when a new text from Hoseok
comes through, and his phone vibrates in his hand.
 
To: Jeongguk
From: Hoseok
July 1, 07:13
Are you awake?
 
He almost slides his phone back into his pocket, wanting to be alone, but he
remembers what Hoseok had told him, and the little bit of wisdom that Miok had
offered. He needed to come to terms with this. He needed to be okay with
Taehyung leaving. And he knows that being alone isn’t going to make it any
easier for him.
 
To: Hoseok
From: Jeongguk
July 1, 07:15
Yeah
 
To: Jeongguk
From: Hoseok
July 1, 07:16
I’m spending the day with you. I’m otw
 
To: Hoseok
From: Jeongguk
July 1, 07:16
I’m not at my house. You know that playground a few blocks over?
 
Hoseok does, it seems, because soon he sees the boy crossing the street in
order to reach it. He’s wide awake, standing in front of the tower window to
give Jeongguk a skeptical look.
“Why are you in a jungle gym?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.
“What a stupid question,” Jeongguk answers. “A better question would be: why
aren’t  you ?”
“Because I’m twenty-two years old and know my limits.” He’s smiling, though.
“Why don’t you come out? We can go get breakfast.”
Jeongguk suddenly realizes that he didn’t eat anything yesterday in his frenzy
to keep his mind off of things, and there’s a gurgle in his stomach.
“I’ve never heard anything more appealing in my entire life,” Jeongguk says,
disappearing from Hoseok’s line of sight as he climbs out. Of course, he still
is very much a child, so he does use the slide to get down. “Can we go to iHop?
I really want pancakes.”
“Yeah, we can go to iHop.” Hoseok twirls his keys in his hands. “I parked at
your house, though, so we’ll have to stop by there first to get my car.”
“Race you!”
“Jeongguk - you little -”
But the younger boy is already running, a smile plastered on his face.
 
“I thought you said you wanted pancakes.”
Jeongguk looks up from his plate, which has an assortment of things like French
toast, crepes, and sausage, but not a single pancake.
“Yeah, but then I decided I didn’t.”
“So indecisive,” Hoseok mutters, taking a bite out of his own pancakes.
The food is good, and Jeongguk eats everything he ordered, down to scraping
leftover whipped cream from his crepes off his plate with his fork in order to
taste it.
“Does your dad not feed you anymore or something?”
“Nah, of course he does,” Jeongguk shrugs. “I was just busy yesterday, didn’t
really have a lot of time to eat.”
“Oh? What’d you do yesterday?” Hoseok sounds genuinely interested, as if he’s
waiting for Jeongguk to tell him that he went on some grand adventure.
“I, uh, was cleaning the house. Deep-cleaning,” he swallows, eyeing his cup.
“The house needed it.”
Hoseok gives him a look that tells him that he sees through his excuse, and
Jeongguk can almost feel the lecture or comfort or whatever Hoseok is going to
say to him about the elephant in the room, but he’s not ready to talk about it.
Not yet.
“Jeongguk, you know -”
“No.” He shakes his head, and the sweet aftertaste of the whipped cream
suddenly turned sour in his mouth. “I don’t - I don’t really want to talk about
it yet, okay, hyung? I just want to have a good day with you. I don’t want to
think about it.”
Jeongguk knows that this technically qualifies as still running from his
problems, but he’s getting tired, and he knows he’s going to stop soon. But
he’s not stopping yet. He’s not ready to feel that exhaustion of running yet.
Just a little longer, and he’ll be ready. Just a little longer, and he’ll be
able to accept that everything isn’t the same, and it won’t be the same. He
just wants to savor in the  sameness  for today.
“Okay, Jeonggukkie.”
Hoseok does a good job at making sure that Jeongguk doesn’t get too caught up
in what today really meant. They go through all the shops downtown, run through
the parks they come across, giggling and acting far too young for their actual
ages, and Hoseok even takes Jeongguk paintballing, something he’d never done
before. They both are covered in small, round bruises when they’re finished,
Jeongguk whining every time he takes a step.
“That was completely unfair,” he tells him, the sky above them slowly turning
pink. “You’ve played tons of times before - that was my first time! You didn’t
go easy on me at all.”
“I didn’t think you would be so bad at it,” Hoseok admits, laughing at the look
that comes across Jeongguk’s face, but immediately stepping out of his reach
when he makes to hit him. “Hey! Respect your hyung!”
“Respect my ass,” Jeongguk says back, and then he’s chasing Hoseok down the
sidewalk, dodging people a second before they collide and yelling noncommittal
apologies over their shoulders.
They run until there’s no more buildings around them, trees overtaking the
scenery. It’s somewhere they’re both familiar with, knowing that there’s going
to be a small lake when they break through the clearing of the wood. Sure
enough, when Hoseok stumbles into the light, the lake welcomes him in the
dimming sunlight. Jeongguk is in hot pursuit, and he knows he’ll be on him
within seconds.
“You’ll never take me alive!” Hoseok shouts dramatically, waiting until the
younger boy has come through the trees to start trudging through the dark blue
water. It’s difficult, even when it’s only up to his calves, but he keeps going
because Jeongguk seems to be determined to catch him as he hears the sounds of
splashing water behind him.
The sand underneath Jeongguk’s shoes suddenly gives and he’s slipping
backwards. He’s submerged for a moment, but then he comes up to wipe at his
eyes, still splayed in the water. He’s coughing, lungs taking in air.
“Jeonggukkie, are you okay?” Hoseok comes over to him, grabbing at his wrists
and making to pull him up, but before he can, Jeongguk reaches for the collar
of his shirt and pulls him over into the water, too.
“Oh, you’re such a little shit!” Hoseok exclaims once he’s surfaced.
They’re laughing, pushing each other into the water until they’re sure water
will come out of their ears even hours later. Then it’s too dark, and they’re
helping each other onto the bank. They lay there on the grass, the summer
warmth still clinging to the air, and look up at the full moon above them.
It’s a beautiful night, the stars in full view due to the cloudless sky. It
fills Jeongguk with a sort of longing, the type of longing he’d been so
desperately avoiding throughout the day. But it’s here now, and it seeps
through his mind in the form of a single thought:  Somewhere, Taehyung is
underneath the same sky.
The longing turns into a dull ache, a pain that isn’t as sharp as it could be,
but after all, it hurts to be stabbed by a blunt object rather that something
with a point. It takes more force, rips more flesh, frees more blood. It takes
more time to heal.
“He’s gone, isn’t he?” He asks, so quietly that he almost expects Hoseok to ask
him to repeat himself.
Hoseok takes a deep breath, nodding slowly. “Yeah. He’s gone.”
And Jeongguk doesn’t have the energy to talk about it anymore. He’s stopped
running, but he has nothing more to say about it. How can he? He doesn’t think
he can even form thoughts right now, because the ache in his chest has now
dropped down into his stomach, and it’s consuming his legs, his arms, his
entire body.
He makes a choking noise as his vision starts to blur, the stars being wiped
from his sight in favor of being replaced by unyielding darkness. It’s too
much, and Jeongguk closes his eyes. His lungs burn, his throat hurts as he
tries to swallow down a knot.
He can’t help but to start sobbing, and it’s not just a sob, it’s a soul-
ripping wailing because now he’s accepted that Taehyung isn’t here. Taehyung
won’t be here.
Hoseok pulls him onto his chest, and the younger boy is shaking so much he
thinks for a moment that he might be having a fit. His arms tighten around him,
pulling him closer, trying to squeeze the emotions out of him, and part of him
wants to call Taehyung once he gets home, wants to scream at him, but he knows
it would do no good.
This is all so wrong. This is all so raw. Hoseok knows that he told Jeongguk
not to get attached to Taehyung, but there’s not a single part of him that ways
to say, “I told you so,” because he knows that’s not how things work. He just
wishes that maybe Jeongguk had listened to him, just a little bit, and maybe
this wouldn’t be happening. Maybe Jeongguk wouldn’t feel like his soul is being
slowly pulled apart.
They don’t say anything for a long while. The moon starts to make its way
across the sky, and it’s hanging loftily above them before they move. Their
clothes have dried uncomfortably on their bodies, and when they stand, they
know it’s going to chafe. The walk back to Hoseok’s car is slow, Hoseok keeping
his pace to match Jeongguk’s because the boy seems to have no fight left in
him.
The city isn’t buzzing with life anymore. Instead, there are only the ghosts of
people’s voices in the distance. There’s a police siren somewhere, too, but
it’s fading. Jeongguk steps closer to Hoseok, darkness shrouding his features.
His eyes hurt, and he knows they’re swollen and red. He feels embarrassed at
the way he’s acted.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters, the words tasting like sawdust and coming out just as
easily. “I didn’t mean to… be like that.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Hoseok says back, his voice calm and
reassuring. It makes tears well up in Jeongguk’s eyes all over again.
“There is,” he presses, and he can feel panic coming over him again as he
realizes something. “God, I’ve been acting pathetic over someone who doesn’t
care about me when I put you through the same fucking thing.”
Hoseok hesitates. “That’s not necessarily true, Jeongguk. Don’t compare
yourself to him like that.”
“But it is true, isn’t it?” His throat hurts. “This is some sort of fucked up
karma. I shouldn’t be acting like this.”
“You should, because you’re hurt.” He shakes his head, reaching out and pulling
Jeongguk shoulders to face him. “Don’t feel bad because you hurt me, okay?”
Jeongguk flinches. “Yes, you did hurt me - I won’t lie to you about that - but
I’m your  friend , Jeongguk. You should never feel bad for showing your
feelings to me; that’s what friends do, you understand?”
He looks at Hoseok and solemnly nods his head, a traitor tear sweeping down his
cheek. He doesn’t bother to wipe it away. He looks away from the older boy,
looking down to his collar, because he can’t look him in the face for too long
while he’s like this.
“I miss him.” The words sound alien, because he’s never really voiced that
outloud. He doesn’t even know if he’s been able to admit that to himself, but
saying it, admitting it to Hoseok, it somehow seems like the more he admits and
the more the exposes, the quicker he’ll be able to heal. And the words won’t
stop.
“I want him back here with me. I don’t want him to want to go to some stupid
university that will be good for him, because I can’t go with him. I’m stuck
here, and there’s nothing I can do about it. There’s nothing I want in the
world more than for him to want to be with me, and there’s nothing I can do
about that, either.” He’s crying again, shaking his head bitterly. “I don’t
want to feel like this. I hate him because he has the power to make me feel
like this. God, I loved him - I love him so much, and this is where it gets
me.”
Hoseok only pulls him into his arms again before he can dissolve into
hysterics.
 
There’s not a lot to do to pass the time now. Jeongguk doesn’t really want to
spend time with any of his friends now, except Hoseok, who he can’t really get
away from anymore. It somehow doesn’t annoy him when the older boy shows up to
his house unexpectedly, but Jeongguk’s father has always liked Hoseok, and he
finds entry to the home all too easily.
It’s been a week since he’s left, and Jeongguk doesn’t know if he’s made
progress with his mess of emotions or not, but he no longer feels the urge to
burst into tears at every second, and he’s telling himself that’s a good thing.
It has to be, because even though he’s still angry at everyone and wants
nothing to do with social interaction, he no longer stays completely silent
over dinner with his father. He now is responding with simple sentences, which
aren’t much, but they’re something. He knows his father is worried, knows that
he should act in a way that erases all concern, but he can’t yet. He makes up
excuses to stay in his room, such as getting ahead on his school work for the
upcoming year, but he knows they’re not convincing in any way, so he throws a
small smile in every now and then to get his father off his back. He thinks
that it’s good Hoseok comes over so often, as it shows his father that he does
have some social aspect of his life, even if the boys don’t come downstairs and
stay eerily silent.
Hoseok is over one evening, sitting on Jeongguk’s floor putting together a
jigsaw puzzle. Jeongguk is laying on his bed, watching him. This is normally
how their interactions go now. The first few times he came over, Hoseok would
try to get Jeongguk involved in board games and puzzles, but he was so
indifferent about it that it was exhausting to do so. But Jeongguk prefers
watching him, in any case, because then he feels like he’s being social without
putting himself in an uncomfortable situation - and right now, board games,
listening to music, and reading books together are all uncomfortable
situations. So he just watches.
Hoseok is okay with this, it seems, as he does talk to Jeongguk, but mainly to
himself. It’s casual observations, like how nice the weather is and how hard
the puzzle is. Things that Jeongguk doesn’t have to respond to. There’s an
understanding between them, and while Jeongguk knows that he could just as
easily get as much stimulation from looking out of his window, he appreciates
Hoseok’s presence all the same.
Something odd happens, though, when Hoseok finishes the puzzle. It’s not a
small feat, as it had three thousand pieces, and Hoseok seems positively
pleased with himself. He laughs, clapping his hands together to congratulate
himself. And then it happens.
Jeongguk notices how attractive Hoseok is. Of course, he’s known the boy was
attractive, as he’s allowed the boy to fuck him many more times than once, but
this time is different. There’s a weird flutter in his chest as he watches
Hoseok laugh, the fading light smoothing out his skin nicely and his hair
seeming to fall in just the right way. Hoseok is… beautiful.
Before he realizes what he’s doing, Jeongguk stands up, his hand held out for
Hoseok to take. He does, and they’re now level with each other. Jeongguk
presses their lips together, the familiarity of the action bringing him comfort
because he realizes that there is still some  sameness  even though it’s not
entirely the sameness as before.
Hoseok gingerly parts his lips, kissing the younger boy back, but it’s slow, as
if he understands that Jeongguk just needs  something  to ground him. It’s
enough to make Jeongguk almost sob in relief, and the urge to cry wells up in
the back of his head. He pushes it away.
Jeongguk pulls them backwards toward his bed, and Hoseok falls over him like a
cage. It’s comforting. They’re still kissing, slowly and carefully, but then
Jeongguk bites down on Hoseok’s lip, and he would be lying if he said it didn’t
have an effect on him. He freezes, and at first Jeongguk doesn’t notice,
sucking the lip into his mouth, but then stops.
“Hyung, what’s wrong?” He asks lowly, pulling back enough to see the endless
depth of Hoseok’s eyes.
“We shouldn't be doing thing, Jeonggukkie, because I’m not him. You know I’m
not him, and I know you don’t want me like that, not in the way you’re really
craving. I can’t supply you with love and endless affection like you want him
to.” He caresses Jeongguk’s cheek. “You’re hurt, and you want comfort in any
way that you can get it right now. But this wouldn’t be real comfort. It would
only create more problems if I allow for this to happen, and I’m not going to
do anything that would cause further harm to you.”
Jeongguk only looks soundlessly up at him, his eyes hollow.
“You understand?” Hoseok asks, just to be sure.
He nods in response, and Hoseok rolls off of him, but turns into his side to
pull him close. The physical contact makes something ease in Jeongguk’s chest,
and he realizes the mistake he was going to make. He shouldn’t have allowed
himself to take advantage of Hoseok like that, knowing that there’s a
possibility that he still has feelings for him. He wants to hit himself.
“Thank you,” he mutters instead.
“Of course,” Hoseok replies, as calmly as though nothing had happened.
“I’m sorry I’m like this,” he says, softer, and feels tears welling up. He
feels so incredibly guilty now, the feeling growing with every passing second.
Hoseok has been entirely too good of a friend to him during this time, and this
is how he was going to repay him? “I’m just… I don’t know.”
He had thought he had been getting better, but now there’s a gaping hole in his
chest again. It’s a different type of pain though, the type that makes him want
to curl into himself a disappear rather than reach out for someone’s attention.
He feels repulsive, and suddenly Hoseok’s hands on him feel like too much, too
posed, too  pitying .
He shoots up, scooting away from him on the bed.
“Jeonggukkie, what’s wrong?” He asks, propping up on his elbows and moving
back, allowing him space.
“God,” Jeongguk chokes, feeling too much coming down on me. “There were so many
things wrong in our relationship, you know? We never became exclusive, but I
can see why. I mean, he’s only been gone a week and I’m already throwing myself
on someone else. I didn’t deserve him anyway. I’m so - I’m  not  meant for
someone like him. He’s built for someone far better and a love far more
deserving of him. He’s - He doesn’t deserve to be bogged down by someone like
me, anyway, you know? He’s gone off to - to college - an  amazing  college - to
do amazing things with his life, and I can’t even honestly say that I’m happy
for him. That can’t be love, can it? I can’t love him, I c- can’t .”
His voice is empty, but there’s a mockery of a laugh at the end. At least, it
sounds something like a laugh, because then it’s cut off short by another fit
of choking, the tears making their way down Jeongguk’s face.
Hoseok reaches out for him instinctively, but the second that his fingers brush
against Jeongguk’s wrist, he flinches away. Hoseok decides that maybe physical
comfort isn’t something that he should be given right now.
“Jeongguk, I don’t know how you can even say that,” he says softly. “You’re so
deserving of love, and you know that I, along with all of our friends, love you
to your core. You are so, so loved, Jeonggukkie.”
Jeongguk wipes at his face frantically, desperate to get the devastation off of
him. “I-I think I want to be alone, hyung.”
Hoseok debates on whether or not that’s a good idea, but he has no right to
tell him no.
“Let me know when you want to talk some more,” he says, and starts to kiss his
forehead in comfort, but thinks better of it.
Jeongguk doesn’t say anything in response, not even looking up when the older
boy leaves. He allows himself to fall back onto the sheets, still warm, but
there’s a cold, crackling chill spreading from his core. It consumes him, his
fingers losing their feeling and his eyes losing their focus.
 
A week turns into two and two weeks folds into a month, and it’s amazing what
Jeongguk can accomplish when he doesn’t want to deal with the negative aspects
of his mind. Things had been awful for the few days after his most recent
breakdown, but he had come to the realization that things were going on outside
of his small, pathetic little corner of Busan, and he wanted to be a part of
that. Suddenly, the independence that he wanted so badly that night out on
Yoongi and Seokjin’s balcony hits him again,  hard , except that he doesn’t
want the independence so that he has the choice to go with Taehyung. He wants
the independence so that he can do something for himself, and he realizes that
he wants to be out of Busan.
He had actually picked up textbooks to allow him to propel himself forward
through his next year of school with ease, but realized that even when he’d
memorized his calculus book front-to-back, there’s still too much empty space
in his schedule. He’s not exhausted when he falls into bed, ghosts of
Taehyung’s mouth on his, warm brown eyes, the warmth that his body would always
carry when he sat next to Jeongguk or held him close at night. It brings around
the blunt pain, and he knows he needs something else to occupy his time before
school comes back in, so he gets a job.
This surprises himself, even, as the last thing he wants to do is be surrounded
by people, but working as a waiter isn’t the worst thing that could happen to
him. Besides, he likes having money. He doesn’t spend it on anything other than
the subway fare, telling himself that he’ll use it for college, a college that
can get him as far away from Seoul as he can get. He might even get lucky
enough to go to a university in Japan, even if his Japanese is a bit rusty. Of
course, he knows it isn’t likely, but he finds himself thinking of it anyway,
because anywhere is better than where he’s at right now.
He’s about to board the subway one night after he gets off of work when he
feels a tug at his arm. He looks, taking an earbud out of his ear to see Jimin
standing next to him.
Panic wraps its way around his chest, but he is genuinely glad to see his
friend. He had been practically MIA since Taehyung had left, and he does miss
them, even if he doesn’t want to admit that he’s missing anybody.
“Jimin-hyung,” he smiles, “hey.”
“Hey,” Jimin says back, and the board the subway together. “Where have you been
recently? Hoseok said something about you being sick.”
He feels a sort of comfort in his torso knowing that even now Hoseok is trying
to make sure his secret doesn’t get out.
“I - Yeah,” he nods once, eyes meeting Jimin’s before they landed on the subway
floor as it takes off. “I was for a bit, but then I suddenly realized that I
want to do well in school so that I can get into a good college, so I started
studying early. Oh, and I got a job.”
Jimin blinks.
“Who are you, and what have you done with out Jeongguk?”
Jeongguk gives him a small smile, hoping that he doesn’t press his decision too
much, doesn’t ask too many questions as to why he’s had the sudden change of
heart. Saying this outloud, admitting his plans for college makes it almost
final in his head. It had been an unspoken definite that he would attend the
college here with the others when the time came, Taehyung being the first one
to break from the pattern.
“I just wanted a change. There are a lot of colleges and opportunities out
there, and Taehyung leaving for another univeristy made me realize that.” He
feels good that he didn’t stumble over his name, but it still burns coming up.
“I love Busan,” he says, but he isn’t sure if that’s the truth anymore. “I do
want to go to a college that would be right for me, though. There’s one in
Yeosu that has a highly recommended program that deals with economics. I’ve
been thinking a lot about going there, but I didn’t know how to tell you guys.”
“You know we support you no matter what you do, Jeonggukkie,” Jimin gives him a
warm smile. “Ah, but, Jeonggukkie… I want to ask you something.”
“Hm?” He looks down at his phone, checking the time. He wants to make sure that
he has enough time to shower and prepare his bag for tomorrow, when school
comes back in. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t looking forward to
it. Another day closer to getting away from Busan. But then he looks up at
Jimin and his heart twists. Another day closer to leaving his friends.
“Taehyung, he’s been texting me since he’s been in Seoul, you know, keeping in
touch and stuff…” Jimin shrugs nonchalantly, “but he - well,  we , really -
were wondering why you didn’t come see him off. He was a little bummed he
didn’t get to see you before he caught the subway.”
Jeongguk doesn’t have an answer for this, and he curses at himself mentally. He
should have known that a question like this was coming; he just hasn’t had a
chance to be asked due to the fact that he hasn’t been around his friends.
“Oh, I was, uhm,” he stops. He doesn’t have a believable excuse, so he decides
to be honest with Jimin this once. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want to tell him
goodbye. It would have been too much for me to handle.” It had already been and
still was too much to handle.
Jimin’s gaze softens and he squeezes at Jeongguk’s hand with his reassuringly.
“We miss him, too,” he tells him, and Jeongguk realizes that he’s not the only
one hurting due to Taehyung’s absence. Of course, it wasn’t as if Jimin and
Taehyung had been involved in the way he had, but they had grown up together.
Friends since childhood. Certainly that took a toll on Jimin, who would be
attending the college here without Taehyung by his side.
“What did you say when he told you, hyung? Told you that he wouldn’t attend the
university here?” Jeongguk asks before he can stop himself. He’s curious,
curious as to what a real friend would do, how a real friend would react.
“I was sad, but knew how happy he was going to be in Seoul. I want him to be
happy with what he does, and he’s on his way to setting himself up for a great
life. How can that not make me happy? Besides, it’s not like he’s gone forever.
He’s coming down next week to get some more of his things.”
Jeongguk hates himself for the lurch that takes place in his gut.
“Is he?”
“Yeah, didn’t he tell you?” Jimin looks puzzled, because yes, under normal
circumstances, that would be something Taehyung would tell Jeongguk. But
there’s the gap between them that Taehyung has no interest crossing.
“I haven’t had the time to talk to him, with work and studying.” It sounds
reasonable.
The subway slows, and Jeongguk steps closer to the doors before they open.
“I’ll see you later, hyung,” he says, flashing a smile.
“Bye, Jeonggukkie,” Jimin replies, and before the doors can slide shut, he
calls, “Oh! And good luck at school tomorrow!”
 
Senior year is something that Jeongguk has looked forward to since he began
high school, but he must admit that it's a bit lackluster. He's happy to see
his friends again, but there's the absence of Taehyung’s laughter in the
hallway, absence of Jimin yelling “Jeongukkie! Tuck in your shirt! Listen to
hyung!” between classes. It's quiet, which part of him doesn't mind and the
other part hates.
The beginning week of work isn't nearly difficult enough, and he isn't sure if
it's because he's been studying like hell or because the starting load never
is. In any case, even school and work combined isn't enough to keep him
distracted anymore. He doesn't feel panicky at every free moment he had like he
used to, but he thinks he should. Especially now, because he knows that
Taehyung will be back any day now, and he should feel horrified at that
thought. Shouldn't he?
He’s closing up the small restaurant he works at Friday night when he gets a
call from Yoongi. He doesn’t hesitate to bring the vibrating phone out of his
back pocket, knowing that his manager has slipped into the back alley for a
cigarette. Not that she would care, anyway.
“Hello?”
“ Jeonggukkie!”
It’s not Yoongi’s voice. It’s not anywhere close to Yoongi’s voice.
“Taehyung.” It’s not a question as it comes out of his mouth.
He feels his heart jump forward in his chest, the breath knocked out of him,
and despite himself, there are happy tears in his eyes. He feels so much
affection for Taehyung in that moment, part of it making him hate himself, but
the other part reveling in how much he’s  missed  Taehyung, just as a friend.
“ Ah, won’t you stop wiping the same table over again and come hang out with
us? ”
“I - what?” He looks over his shoulder through the huge window facing the
street, spotting Yoongi’s car sitting on the curb. “When did you get here?”
“ We’ve been waiting  hours,  Jeonggukkie! ”
“Liar - We were packed thirty minutes ago.”
His tone is teasing, slipping back into the easy routine that Taehyung and he
had been comfortable in before things got complicated. Maybe this is what he
should settle for. It’s not bad just being friends with Taehyung, right?
“ Just hurry up and get off - Having a get together for the prodigal son’s
return.”
“But I didn’t go anywhere.”
“ Guess you’re not a prodigy, then. ”
He laughs, barely being able to see the figures in the car moving from the
tinted windows. “Look, I’ll be out in fifteen.”
“ Fifteen  years ? I don’t even know if I’ll be alive then!”
The joke isn’t even funny, but he’s laughing again, a bit giddy from talking to
Taehyung.
“Thank God for that. I’m hanging up now.”
He doesn’t wait for Taehyung’s response, sticking out his tongue towards the
large window where he knows the other boy is watching. Where he hopes the other
boy is watching.
 
A quick run through the closing list and a goodbye to his manager later,
Jeongguk is strolling out, locking the door behind him because he knows his
manager tends to forget and goes out the back. Then he’s sliding into the
backseat of Yoongi’s car, greeted by tumultuous noise, coming mainly from
Taehyung. Yoongi only seems to be offering laughs and snide comments - but
Jeongguk is accustomed to it. They all are.
During a silent part of the trip, Jeongguk takes out his phone and goes to make
out a text to his father, but his fingers hesitate.
“Should I tell my dad I’m staying over or no?” He asks.
“Definitely,” Yoongi confirms, at the same time Taehyung says, “Yes!”
“Really, Jeongguk, what kind of celebration would my homecoming be if you
weren’t plastered by the end of the night?” Taehyung says aloud.
“A shitty one, because that means I would have to remember and process all the
stupid things you say,” he replies, putting his phone away after sending the
message.
“Harsh,” he pouts, turning his head to give Jeongguk a look over his shoulder.
“It’s not even your homecoming. You’re just getting more of your things, aren’t
you?”
“Yeah, but I’m staying for the weekend. Besides, have I ever turned down an
opportunity to get raging drunk?”
“Welcome home,” he says, and he means it. He claps Taehyung on the shoulder -
something  friends  do, he reminds himself. He tries not to seem too attached.
“Missed you.”
“Yeah, missed you, too.”
Somehow it sounds more friendly coming from Taehyung’s mouth, but of course, it
would. Jeongguk tells himself that it doesn’t bother him.
The others are already at Yoongi and Seokjin’s apartment when they get there,
Hoseok immediately attaching himself to Jeongguk’s side, seeming to try and
read how the younger boy is feeling. Jeongguk squeezes his hand twice.  It’s
okay.
Hoseok smiles.
There’s a lot of catching up to do, per not only Taehyung’s absence but
Jeongguk’s avoidance as well, but he wants to change his clothes first. The
smell of steamed milk and yeast is stuck to him, and Yoongi offers him a shirt
and jeans. The shirt fits okay. The jeans -
“Goddamn, Jeongukkie,” Namjoon comments as he walks out of Yoongi’s room.
“Hyung - just - I  know ,” he says back through his teeth, trying not to get
too red.
They’re more than tight around his thighs, shaping his ass into an even more
alluring curve. They don’t look bad, just -
“Looks nice,” Seokjin says, glaring at Namjoon, who snickers goodnaturedly.
“You should borrow Yoongi’s clothes more.”
“No, he shouldn’t,” Yoongi observes, eyeing his jeans. “I don’t have an ass.
They’d look even baggier on me after each wear.”
“Not my fault, hyung,” Jeongguk says nonchalantly.
“I’ll take back my jeans,” Yoongi threatens, but there’s no anger in his words.
Drinks are opened, and soon they’re all situated in the living room. The radio
is playing something mellow in the back as they talk amongst each other.
Taehyung, naturally, is the center of conversation tonight. They want to know
how he’s liking Seoul, how he’s settling in, if he’s made any friends.
“Not like we’re worried you’re going to replace us or something,” Jimin
dismisses, and he laughs.
“I’ve made a few. There’s a guy in one of my science classes that reminds me of
Namjoon.”
“Oh, really?” Namjoon perks up. “How so?”
“He thinks everyone wants him to tutor them.”
There’s a roar of laughter, and Namjoon says some remark that Jeongguk can’t
really hear, but he’s laughing anyway.
“No, but really, it’s not so bad. My roommate is kind of an oddball - he only
takes night classes, which is cool, but during the first week he asked if he
could get dark curtains to keep out the sunlight. I figured it was so he could
sleep during the day, ‘cause of his reversed schedule and all, but then he was
like, ‘No, the sun makes me weak.’” Taehyung makes a face. “He has a
fascination with fantasy. I think he thinks he’s a vampire.”
“Ooh, what if he is? How many universities do you think he’s attended?” Seokjin
asks from his spot on the floor, nursing his drink.
“He could be really smart. You might could get him to help you if you need it,”
Jimin suggests. “I know how you were in math.”
“I’m not taking a math this semester. I thought ahead.” He smiles widely,
tapping his temple as if he’s got everything figured out. “He’s not annoying,
though. Keeps to himself. I’m hardly there between classes and my job, though,
so -”
“Job? When did you get a job?” Jimin perks up. “You didn’t tell me about a
job!”
“Well, I mean,” he looks bashful, red dusting his cheeks. “It’s at a lab. I
just clean, like, petri dishes and stuff. Make sure the microscope lenses don’t
have any smudges. Dispose of all wastes properly.”
“What are you majoring in?” Jeongguk asks, and he expects everyone to look at
him and gasp, because it’s the first proper question he’s asked all night.
Instead, Taehyung only meets his gaze evenly.
“Biology.”
Jeongguk nods, “Yeah, then maybe that isn’t a bad job to have. You’re already
getting lab experience.”
Taehyung smiles. “That’s what I was thinking when I applied. During my
interview, the manager said that they were looking specifically for students
that wanted to major in a science, said they wanted to go ahead and make sure
the students knew what they were getting into. Sometimes they even teach us
things, let us watch their seminars and stuff. It’s a good job, pays alright.”
“That’s good,” Jeongguk says to him. “I’m glad it’s worked out well for you.”
“Yeah, Taehyung, you’re going to become this great biologist and forget all
about us,” Jimin jokes.
“I’m not,” he disagrees, rolling his eyes and taking a drink from his bottle.
“Even if I did, you’d hunt me down.”
“How are your classes so far?” Hoseok asks. “You started this week, right?”
“Yeah,” he nods. “No classes on Friday, though, which I may or may not have
done intentionally. Ah, they’re different. Taking a few different sciences,
taking an English class, computer science. Still warming up to the computer
science class - they like to make us practically jump through hoops. However,
lucky for me, I’m a pro at Microsoft Word.”
“Did you put that on your resume, computer wiz?” Namjoon mocks.
“You know, I should have!” Taehyung snaps his fingers, teeth showing broadly in
his smile.
There’s a constant flow of conversation, growing louder as more alcohol is
ingested. Jeongguk is particularly susceptive to it now, as his lunch was light
and breakfast nonexistent. He’s had three drinks - expertly mixed by Jimin,
mind you - and he’s feeling warm, light.
Jimin reveals that he has a surprise for them, before digging into his pocket
to reveal a nice amount of ground bud.
“I couldn’t  not , with Taehyung coming home and everything,” he says, and it
isn’t long before everyone is gathered closely around the table, watching in
interest as Namjoon rolls a perfect blunt.
Taehyung got the first hit, trying to be humble about it and pass it off, but
the want was too overwhelming. It’s soon being passed around the circle, making
the party funnier and the music better. Yoongi takes out his phone and shows
them magic card tricks after the third full circle, and Jeongguk doesn’t really
comprehend what he’s seeing, the cards and the person’s hands moving too fast.
“Guys, you wanna play truth-or-dare? But, like, with a bottle?” Namjoon asks.
“You mean spin-the-bottle, dumbass?” Yoongi retorts.
“Nah, like, I just thought of it. You spin the bottle and whoever it lands on,
you have to kiss them or truth-or-dare them.”
“That has to be the dumbest fucking idea I’ve ever heard,” Hoseok says calmly.
“I’m down.”
Luckily, but not surprisingly, there’s an empty bottle right beside the leg of
Taehyung’s chair, and they clear off the table in order to get a level surface.
Taehyung spins first, landing on Namjoon.
“Aw, Namjoonie-hyung, pucker -”
“I don’t think so,” he interrupts quickly, and Taehyung deflates. “Dare.”
Taehyung looks around for what he has in his arsenal, then reaches for a half-
gone bottle of Pinnacle vodka. He holds it up enticingly for Namjoon to see.
“Take three, full drinks.”
“Wow, I thought you were going to challenge me.”
He takes it, but still cringes after his second mouthful. With the third, he’s
sputtering, reaching beside him for his chaser of coke.
It’s Jimin’s turn now, and he lands on Namjoon as well.
“Ah, I feel bad for you, hyung. Kiss me and get it over with.”
He does, though it’s nothing more than a chaste peck between platonic brothers.
When it comes to be Jeongguk’s time to spin the bottle, it lands on Yoongi.
“Truth or dare, hyung?” He asks, and Yoongi thinks for a moment.
“If I say dare, how bad would it be?”
“You can’t ask that!” Taehyung objects, seeming appalled. “It’s no fun that
way!”
“Fine, okay, dare.”
“Take three mouthfuls of Pinnacle as well.”
“Jeongguk, you know I hate vodka.”
“Well, if you don’t want to do it, hyung, you can just take off your shirt for
the rest of the game.”
“Guess I’m going shirtless,” he says, and that’s that. His chest is soon bare,
his lithe frame on display.
“Is it cold in here?” Hoseok asks.
“Yeah, bit nippy,” Yoongi responds, unbothered.
Jimin kisses Hoseok in the next round, Namjoon translating off-the-wall Korean
into English, and Yoongi ends up gunning a beer, but the only thing relatively
risqu é that occurs is when Seokjin’s spin lands on Jeongguk. Playing it safe,
Jeongguk goes for a truth.
“Jeonggukkie,” he says sweetly, and the younger boy already knows that this
isn’t going to go well for him at all. He feels that he should have picked
dare. “Who was your best fuck?”
Definitely  should have picked dare.
Namjoon almost chokes. “Seokjin-hyung, he’s a teenager - he might still be a
virgin.”
 This comment gets a scoff from everyone, and then all eyes are back on
Jeongguk.
“Hoseok-hyung,” he says calmly, and only two people in the room know it’s a
lie. Possibly three.
Hoseok makes a cocky comment and Jeongguk’s eyes slide to meet Taehyung’s. He’s
smirking.
Liar , he mouths, and Jeongguk buries himself in another drink.
It seems to start a chain-reaction, as soon all the boys are being bombarded
with sex questions and being more open about kissing each other. It’s still a
jaw-dropper, however, when Yoongi’s spin lands on Jimin. The older boy, without
hesitation whatsoever, leans over, pulls Jimin in by the collar of his shirt,
and presses his mouth firmly against his. Jimin lets out a startled squeak at
first, but then he relaxes into it. It lasts for a few seconds, but Jimin
pushes the elder away when he tries to press more into him.
“Want a room?” Seokjin asks.
“Already have one, thanks,” came Yoongi’s reply.
After another round, Yoongi and Jimin do, in fact, retreat into his room, and
Jeongguk decides that he needs something to drink that isn’t alcoholic. He
doubts anyone notices him standing up and walking into the kitchen, Hoseok and
Seokjin having an animated conversation over a certain television show they
both watched, and he opens the refrigerator to find a bottle of water. His
balance isn’t the best, and when he goes to shut the door, the heft of it pulls
him forward. He catches himself on the cool steel of the appliance, but almost
chuckles.
Someone tugs at his arm, spinning him around before properly pinning him
against the refrigerator, back flush against it.
Jeongguk blinks, eyes focusing in the dim lighting to see Taehyung’s face less
than a breath away. His pupils are blown, eyes a little bloodshot.
“So,” he mutters lowly, quiet enough that their friends in the living room
can’t hear them. “Hoseok’s the best fuck you’ve ever had?”
Jeongguk wants to lean into him, but keeps his back rigid. “Hyung, I couldn’t -
”
“Couldn’t what?” Taehyung presses when Jeongguk drops off. “Couldn’t let them
know that I fuck you so well? That I can make you cum without even touching
your dick?”
The words go straight to his cock, making it twitch in such severe interest his
head spins.
“I think you’d like them knowing. I think you want them to know who you belong
to.” Taehyung leans closer, and Jeongguk slides down a fraction of an inch so
that he has to look up at the older boy.
“Hyung, we can’t - I told you - I don’t think -” but the words don’t even sound
convincing to him. Nonetheless, Taehyung takes a step back, enough so that
Jeongguk can take a breath of air that isn’t contaminated with the smell of
him.
“Why?” Taehyung asks in a small voice. “Why did you push me away?”
Jeongguk looks up at him only to see that Taehyung is suddenly transfixed with
the bottle he’s holding.
“Because I was getting too attached to you.” Jeongguk admits. He thinks that
maybe he can blame it on the alcohol in the morning. “Because I wanted more.
Because I know you didn’t feel the same. Because I know about what happened
with Hoseok.”
He meets Jeongguk’s eyes. “That’s not -”
“It doesn’t matter, hyung,” he smiles. “I’m over it, yeah? You’re in college
now and can fuck whoever you want whenever you want. A relationship would only
be a drag on you.”
Taehyung searches Jeongguk’s eyes long and hard, but Jeongguk is still smiling.
His face hurts, his heart hurts, even the fingers around his bottle hurt, but
he’s still smiling.
The older boy’s throat bobs as he swallows before quietly saying, “Yeah.”
 
There’s a throbbing headache between his eyes when Jeongguk rolls into his
opening shift the next morning, but he supposes that it could be worse. He
doesn’t have to work until closing time today, which is a perk, but then he’s
left with nothing to do later that evening, which isn’t the best. He supposes
that he could start another preparatory unit for his economics class, but he’s
already a solid month ahead.
While on his break, his phone vibrates.
 
To: Jeongguk
From: Taehyung
August 13, 13:05
What time do you get off today?
 
To: Taehyung
From: Jeongguk
August 13, 13:07
Three
 
He doesn’t receive a text back, but when his shift is over, the older boy is
waiting outside the restaurant on the curb. He has a book bag slung over his
shoulder and greets Jeongguk with a smile.
“I thought we could study together. I’ve got a test Monday and Hoseok told me
you were getting serious about your grades this year.”
“I, yeah,” he admits. He suddenly feels guilty that the reason he wants his
grades to be so good is to get as far away from Taehyung as he possibly can.
“Let’s take the subway to my house, first. I’ve gotta grab my books.”
“Oh, yeah, of course.”
The walk to the station is short but quiet. The ride to the stop nearest
Jeongguk’s house takes a bit longer, but is as equally silent. It’s only when
they surface a few blocks away from their destination does either of them say
anything.
“Yoongi-hyung and Jimin, though, huh?” Taehyung thinks out loud. “Didn’t see
that one coming.”
“Yeah, neither did I,” Jeongguk admits. “I mean, I could always tell that
Yoongi-hyung was always softer on Jimin-hyung than anyone else, but I didn’t
think it was because he liked him. I just thought it was because Jimin-hyung is
a better person than all of us put together.”
They walk up the steps to Jeongguk’s house, and he pulls out his keys,
unlocking the door.
“Dad, I’m home,” he calls out, loudly enough that his father comes in from the
living room to greet him.
“Jeongguk, how was - Taehyung.” Jeongguk’s father stumbled over the name, taken
aback.
“Hello, Mr. Jeon, it’s nice to see you again,” Taehyung said politely, bowing.
“How’s college?” Mr. Jeon asked, studying the boy.
“Going well. I’m only home for the weekend, of course, to see my parents and
bring a few more boxes back with me to Seoul.”
“That’s good to hear. What are you majoring in?”
Jeongguk felt like this was too much of an investigation for him to listen to,
and before Taehyung could even answer, he interrupted.
“Dad, Taehyung-hyung and I are going to the library to study. He has a test
Monday, and I really need his help in chemistry this year.” The last part was a
lie, because Taehyung was almost as bad at chemistry as he was, but it seemed
to soothe his father’s questions. “I’m going to go get my books. I’ll be right
back.”
He slid past his father, heading for his room.
“Majoring in chemistry?”
Jeongguk resisted the urge to groan at his father’s persistence.
“No, sir. Biology.”
By the time he returned, his father was actually smiling at Taehyung while the
boy told him something. This was enough to catch Jeongguk off guard. He wrapped
his fingers around Taehyung’s wrist in order to get his attention.
“You ready?”
Taehyung nodded, looking back at Mr. Jeon. “I’ll have to finish another time.
It was nice talking to you, Mr. Jeon.”
“I’ll let you know when I’m on the way back,” Jeongguk said as they left. “See
you later.”
The second the door had shut, Jeongguk turned to look sharply at Taehyung.
“My dad was smiling at you. My dad  never  smiles at you.”
“He seemed to have an interest in Biology when he was younger, before he
majored in business. He seemed genuinely interested so I was just talking about
some of the tests they run at the lab I work at.”
“Are you trying to seduce my dad?” Jeongguk asked, holding his books more
firmly. “Because I don’t think he quite likes you that much yet, hyung.”
“That’s a bit weird to think about considering I think I’m just starting to get
him to like me again after - what? Three years?”
Jeongguk thought a moment. “Yeah.” He hesitated. “You’re getting old.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You’re getting along with old people.”
“Watch your mouth.”
The library was nearly empty when they arrived, and Jeongguk knew instantly
that they probably should have picked somewhere more noise-friendly to study as
soon as Taehyung knocked over a woman’s pile of neatly stacked books.
“I’m sorry!” He whisper-yelled. “Here, let me help you pick them up.”
The woman wasn’t terribly upset at him, but Jeongguk could tell that she would
have rather not been disturbed.
Taehyung’s test was apparently in anatomy, so his plan for studying was pretty
straightforward. He did exercises in his book that focused on specific areas of
the body. He was in the middle of working on the human torso when Jeongguk
peeked over at him from his own book.
“Didn’t you learn all of that in health class? Like,  the leg bone’s connected
to the - hip bone , or what the fuck ever.”
Taehyung looked up. “I mean, kinda, but after human structures we’re going to
go into mammals. Later on, we’ll cover amphibians. My professor wants us to be
able to compare the similarities and be able to tell what’s different. Proof of
a common ancestor and all that.”
“Hm. What do you want to do with your degree?” Jeongguk asked.
“You’ll think it’s stupid.”
“No, I won’t. Tell me.”
Taehyung tapped his pencil against the pages of his book for a few beats,
debating. “I want to be a college professor and lead research. Yeah, I could do
my own independent research for some corporation or study the environment for
changes, but I want to be able to teach people that have the same passion I do.
I want to be able to see their eyes light up when they realize that Biology is
something they want to do. I want to be able to teach students that are going
to make breakthrough discoveries for the scientific community. Sure, I could
discover some things myself, but why not enable more people to do so? Why send
one when you could send an army, you know?”
The older boy’s eyes were downcast as he said this, pencil steadily tapping as
if he were nervous.
Jeongguk watched him, his head supported by his fingers. “I don’t think that’s
stupid. I think that’s wonderful.”
Taehyung’s tapping stopped. His eyes met Jeongguk’s. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “That’s a wonderful thing to want to do.”
“What about you? What do you want to major in?” Taehyung leaned over the table,
resting his elbows on the surface as he settled into a more comfortable
position.
“Economics,” he replied simply.
Taehyung made a gagging noise.
Jeongguk laughed, nodding. “Yeah, basically.”
“What do you want to major in economics for?”
“Become a market research analyst, make tons of money, obviously.”
Taehyung rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious.”
“Because I like it, and I’m lucky enough to have an interest in a major that
has a job market. You are, too.” Jeongguk looked down at his book, skimming a
line of chemical equations as they settled back into their own work. “I’ve been
looking into a few colleges.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Interested in any?” Taehyung asked.
He scratched behind his head. “There’s this one, in Yeosu, that has a good
economics program. I’m thinking about going there. It’s tuition isn’t
crippling, and it’s not so far from home that I couldn’t come back on weekends
if I wanted.”
Taehyung seemed to ponder this. “You don’t want to go to the university here?”
“I would love to,” he admitted. “I would love to be able to stay with my
friends, but I want to go somewhere that will do the most for my education and
for my degree. Plus… I don’t think it would kill me to get outside of Busan. I
love my hometown, but it will always be my hometown. That doesn’t mean it’s my
final destination. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” Taehyung nodded. “That was part of the reason I wanted to go to
Seoul. I felt like I wanted to see something more than Busan.”
“It seems like you really like it there,” Jeongguk said.
“I do.” He hesitated. “I get homesick sometimes. I miss my family, my friends.
I got so homesick one time that I got on Google and just looked up the places
here - the park, the diner, the movie theater. It wasn’t my proudest moment.”
Jeongguk laughed quietly.
It got dark sooner than they expected, and Taehyung looked down at his phone.
“It’s getting close to seven. Do you wanna get something to eat before I walk
you back?”
“Can we get takeout?” Jeongguk asked, suddenly starving. “We can take it back
to my house and eat.”
“I thought you’d never ask,” Taehyung grinned, packing up his books. He even
took Jeongguk’s textbook and slid it in alongside with his. When the younger
boy started to protest, Taehyung only shook his head. “Nah, look, I’m making
you carry the food either way. You might as well let me make this as easy for
you as possible, because I don’t want you dropping mine.”
He stuck to what he said when they had their meals, but Jeongguk would wager
that the books were heavier.
Mr. Jeon didn’t seem to be as bothered by Taehyung’s second appearance as his
first, smiling openly at him when they arrived back. However, Jeongguk cut
their talk short by saying that they were starving and wanted to eat. Upstairs,
in his room, they dove into the food.
“They don’t have it like this in Seoul, y’know,” Taehyung said, only just
managing to keep his food in his mouth as he spoke. “Like, yeah, sure, they
have takeout, but it tastes so different.”
“Because it’s not Busan takeout, dumbass,” Jeongguk poked. “Maybe you should, I
don’t know, learn how to cook.”
“I can cook!” he replied indignantly. “I just don’t bother. I’d have to go to
the dorm kitchen. Cup noodles are easier, and so is takeout.”
 “Then put up or shut up.”
“Rude.”
“I could probably make you a graph on how much money you would save if you
cooked for yourself instead of blowing it on shitty takeout and even shittier
noodles.” Jeongguk reached for his drink.
“You’ve got too much time on your hands.”
“You should get some thyme on your hands, save yourself some money.”
“I’m older than you - Shouldn’t this be the other way around?” Taehyung asked,
stopping.
“Not when you act thirteen,  hyung ,” Jeongguk said sweetly.
It was almost nine before they stopped joking around, but as Taehyung was
preparing to leave, Mr. Jeon stopped them at the door.
“It’s getting late - Taehyung, you should call your parents and tell them that
you’re staying with us tonight. I don’t trust the subway at this hour.” Mr.
Jeon looked at Taehyung worriedly.
“Yes, sir,” he responded, pulling out his phone to dial his mother’s number and
stepping into the next room to take the call.
Jeongguk looked at his father sideways. “What’s made you decide you like
Taehyung?”
“He seems to know what he wants to do.” Mr. Jeon hesitated. “I shouldn’t have
always thought he was a bad kid. I was scared he was going to mix you with the
wrong crowd, but your friends - they’re good kids.”
“Seokjin-hyung’s almost  in his mid-twenties,” Jeongguk pointed out.
“Like I said, they’re good kids.”
He made a noise of acknowledgment.
Mr. Jeon continued. “And… I don’t know what happened between the two of you
before he left, but I’m glad you guys are patching things up. I know he’s
important to you, and I didn’t like seeing you so upset.”
He coughed, feeling like he had just swallowed sand. “ What? ”
“I’m not blind, Jeongguk - I knew it had to be with Taehyung. I didn’t know
what had happened at first, but when Hoseok was leaving one day, we talked for
a few minutes, and he told me that he had gone to Seoul for college. You don’t
have to tell me what it was really about if I’m wrong, but I just figured you
were upset because he was gone.”
Jeongguk didn’t say anything in response, but he wouldn’t have had time to,
anyway, because Taehyung rejoined them then.
“She’s alright with it. Jeonggukkie, you have a phone charger I can use,
right?” He asked.
“Yeah, hyung, I’ll get you some clothes to sleep in, too.”
“Okay, good, then,” Mr. Jeon smiled, patting Jeogguk on the shoulder. “I do
have to be at work early tomorrow, so I’m going to turn in.”
They exchange good nights, the sudden realization that Jeongguk is going to be
alone with Taehyung, in the same bed, hitting him just as they’re walking back
into his room. The door closed, and the room was eerily quiet, the tension
Jeongguk had learned to deal with when around Taehyung prickling at his skin.
He glanced up at Taehyung, who was already watching him. With stuttering
movements, he pulled open his drawers and handed a shirt and a pair of shorts
to Taehyung, who accepted them.
“Thanks,” he muttered with a small smile.
Jeongguk turned around to grab an extra phone charger, but when he turned back
to the older, Taehyung’s shirt was already being pulled over his chest.
Jeongguk wanted to fall backwards like he had been burned, but his eyes locked
onto the boy’s physique. While he had always been aware that Taehyung was
attractive, something about seeing his lithe torso, sculpted subtly with
muscle, hit him with twice as much force as normal. Perhaps it was because
Taehyung was now officially something that he knew he would never be able to
truly have, and his innermost human instinct was to want something that he
couldn’t have.
“Hyung, I - I really don’t -”
Taehyung froze his movements, holding his shirt in front of him. “Oh, I’m
sorry, I didn’t mean -”
“No no, it’s fine, it’s just -” His eyes were soaking up every part of Taehyung
that was before him. “It’s just… different now.”
Taehyung’s eyes softened, and he looked away. “I’m sorry. I should have
realized it wasn’t appropriate. It’s just weird being more formal in front of
you.”
“I know.”
The conversation dropped off, and Jeongguk suddenly felt the need for something
to take the tensity away. He pulled open a drawer of his desk, hand closing
around a prescription pill bottle, his grinder, and a wrap. He cleared out some
space on his nightstand before laying everything out.
Taehyung’s interest perked. “Oh, are we smoking?”
“Yeah, that okay? Just need something for a sleeping aid.” Jeongguk’s words
sounded an excuse, even to him.
“Yeah, of course,” Taehyung seemed to be smiling, and Jeongguk looked over to
him, opening the pill bottle. “When’d you get that?”
Jeongguk looked down at his hands, tilting the lip of the bottle over onto his
palm so that a nice nug rolled into it. “It was Hoseok’s idea - locks off air
so that it doesn’t smell, and it’s convenient.” He puts it into the grinder,
crushing it.
“How are you and Hoseok these days?”
The real question that is unspoken, that Jeongguk hears anyway, rings loud and
clear.
“We’re fine.”
“Do you guys still…?”
“No.” Jeongguk finishes grinding, his eyes interested in anything that isn’t
looking towards or at Taehyung. He places the ground bud in a straight line in
the wrap, rolling it carefully in his fingers before licking the top to seal
it. He holds it out to Taehyung with an extended hand.
The older boy takes it, Jeongguk passing him a lighter a moment later.
When Taehyung exhales, the smell of the smoke lingering prettily in the air, he
says, “I haven’t smoked since I’ve left.”
Jeongguk smiles a bit, taking the blunt from between the other boy’s fingers.
“You’re welcome, then.”
Lazy chatter flows more easily now, Jeongguk’s chest swelling with his high as
they pass it back and forth until there’s only a fourth of it left. It’s
Taehyung’s turn, and he rests the blunt on the tip of his lips, holding it
steady with a relaxed hand. He stops, tilting his head and looking at Jeongguk
curiously.
“Have you ever been gunned?”
The term makes his head turn upwards to face him. “What?”
“Have you ever been shotgunned?”
“I mean, yeah, Hoseok’s gunned me before.”
“But has he done it properly?”
Jeongguk laughs, watching Taehyung inhale deeply.
“What do you mean, ‘properly’?”
Instead of replying, Taehyung makes a come-hither motion with his fingers, and
Jeongguk leans closer, eyes a little unfocused. Taehyung’s hand grabs at his
chin, pulling at his bottom lip to get him to go lax in his mouth. His lips
hang open a bit, and Taehyung’s mouth presses into them, exhaling slowly as
Jeongguk breathes the smoke in. The action lingers, and Taehyung only pulls
away when it was on the borderline of a kiss.
Jeongguk leans back on his hand, holding it for a moment before blowing the
smoke in the other boy’s direction. He smiles. “No, Hoseok-hyung always did it
with the blunt being backwards into his mouth.”
“He doesn’t know what he’s doing, then.”
“He’s still your hyung,”Jeongguk said teasingly.
“I’m still  your  hyung.” Taehyung’s eyes flicker up to meet his, as he goes to
take another drag. “Again?”
Jeongguk only nods, leaning in and waiting for Taehyung to take a udeep enough
pull. His mouth is already partly open, but Taehyung presses his thumb into his
tongue anyway, forcing it wider before he exhales down into Jeongguk’s lungs.
The rough nature of the movement makes Jeongguk’s eyes want to roll into the
back of his head. Taehyung’s thumb slips out of his mouth, allowing it to close
as Jeongguk holds it, but then his thumb is pressing on his bottom lip to get
him to exhale.
Jeongguk does so, the smoke seeping back onto Taehyung’s face.
“Good boy,” Taehyung purrs, his dark, glazed eyes looking directly into
Jeongguk’s as he testingly brushes his mouth against his.
Jeongguk is screaming at himself to get out of the situation, but he’s stoned,
and  really ,  really  doesn’t want to. Instead, he allows Taehyung to kiss him
properly, their lips sliding into one another. He tasted faintly like herb, but
it was addicting.
It’s not long before Taehyung is hovering above Jeongguk, mouth latched to a
place under his jaw, sucking. He attempts to slide the now-out blunt onto
Jeongguk’s nightstand, but his head is facing the wrong direction. He curses
when it falls from his fingers.
Jeongguk only giggles in response, giddy, but his breath catches in his throat
when Taehyung forces one of his legs open, hitching it around his waist.
“Thought you didn’t want me to do this,” Taehyung breathes heavily into his
ear.
Jeongguk shivers, drawing his own lip between his teeth. “You really gonna make
me beg you to fuck me?”
“I’d fuck you either way,” he replies, pulling Jeongguk’s earlobe into his
mouth, pulling on it with his teeth. “But it’d be irresistible if you did.
Would make me hot for you.”
Jeongguk bucks into his hips the second he bites on his lobe, then gives a
sultry laugh. “You’re already hot for me, hyung.” He exhales breathily. “Can
feel your cock.”
“Wanna feel my cock in you?” He asks, sliding his hand down Jeongguk’s thigh to
cup his groin and then laughing darkly. “Oh, you do, don’t you, baby? Bet you
miss it.”
Jeongguk tenses at this, at the taunting familiarity in his gut, his hips  just
grinding into Taehyung’s hand.
“Tell me, angel,” Taehyung whispers, his seducingly sweet voice  right  in
Jeongguk’s ear., the warmth from his breath making him shiver. “You can tell
hyung.”
Jeongguk keeps his mouth closed, determined to not let Taehyung break him down
so easily  yet . But his resolve goes to moot when Taehyung presses his hand
down, sliding his palm against where he can feel Jeongguk’s cock. Jeongguk
twitches, his lips coming loose and allowing a whine to slide out.
“Come on, baby,” he says painfully low. “Tell hyung how hard you are for him.”
Completely frustrated with the lack of friction, frustrated with how much he
fucking  wants  Taehyung, wants everything about him, he arcs his back into
Taehyung’s grip. “So fucking hard, hyung,” he breathes. “Want your thick cock.”
Taehyung moans lightly, pleased with his response.
“Good boy, Jeongguk-ah,” he praises, his deft fingers creeping at Jeongguk’s
button, unfastening it in order to slide his hand in and press it flush against
his front, feeling his cock more firmly.
“Hyung,” Jeongguk moans, his hands coming up to grip at Taehyung’s waist,
trying to pull him closer.
The older boy complies, but then his hand isn’t on Jeongguk’s aching cock
anymore. Before he can complain, though, there’s a grip on his hips as Taehyung
yanks his jeans from him, kicking them to the floor so that Jeongguk’s legs
aren’t as restrained and the tent in his boxers much more accessible. But then
Taehyung is pulling down the waistband of his - Jeongguk’s - shorts, pulling
their hips together in order to rub them against each other.
Jeongguk gasps, his knees falling open, grip tightening on Taehyung. Taehyung
has pulled back from him in order to watch his face, his crinkled brow and
agape mouth. Jeongguk meets his eyes, glazed over and hazy with lust.
“Still got lube in your nightstand, Jeongguk-ah?” He asks, and Jeongguk has
enough sense to nod. The movement of their hips momentarily stop as Taehyung
leans to the side in order to collect it, Jeongguk taking advantage of the time
he’d been given to lean up on his elbows, their chest now nearly flush with
each other, and kissing sloppily up the column of Taehyung’s neck.
It’s out of character for him, he’ll admit, but he’s so needy for the older
boy. He wants everything he can give him, wants to taste him and feel him and
god .
He allows himself to bite down on Taehyung’s skin, dragging it between his
teeth before kissing it hard. Taehyung’s movements stutter, his body
shuddering. His fingers search frantically for the lube.
“You’re being bad for hyung,” he says lowly. “You don’t want to make hyung
angry, do you, baby?”
“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk breathes sweetly. “I don’t mean to be bad. Just want
hyung’s cock.”
Taehyung’s hand closes around the bottle, but then he hesitates, thinking about
grabbing another item while he was searching the drawer. “Condom?”
“Raw, please,” he says back. “Wanna feel just you.”
It’s embarrassing to hear himself say these things, but Jeongguk’s mind is so
foggy that he doesn’t feel ashamed at all. If anything, his blunt honesty (Is
that a pun? Jeongguk doesn’t know) seems to be spurring Taehyung on, because
his boxers nearly rip with the way he tears them off of the younger boy.
Taehyung presses one of his legs further open, his fingers already slick with
lube as he spreads it around Jeongguk’s puckered muscle. It’s somewhat cold,
but Taehyung is likely too riled up to care about warming it with his fingers.
Then again, so is Jeongguk.
Taehyung kisses at Jeongguk’s upturned chin, his head thrown back into the
pillow as a single, spindly finger breaches him. It’s been awhile since they’ve
fucked - been awhile since Jeongguk has fucked, anyway, because he doesn’t know
what Taehyung does on his own time - but with the way Taehyung automatically
angles the pad of his finger to rub against Jeongguk’s prostate is still so
practiced, so precise. It’s only a few seconds later that Jeongguk is begging
for a second, his hole eagerly stretching for it.
“You’re such a good little boy for hyung, Jeongguk-ah,” he says, Jeongguk
fighting to keep his hips against the mattress. “Hyung’s good boy.” His mouth
comes open to suck a bruise beneath his jaw, Jeongguk’s harsh breathing in his
ear.
“I’m ready, hyung, I promise, I -  ah  -” Jeongguk whimpers, cutting himself
off when Taehyung twists his fingers, scissoring them in order to stretch him
as efficiently as he can with two fingers. He rubs the tips of his fingers
directly into his prostate, circling it, but then pulls them out as soon as
Jeongguk really begins to enjoy the pleasure.
Jeongguk is quick to help Taehyung get rid of his shorts and underwear, the
both of them succeeding in removing the shorts but settling for Taehyung’s
underwear to be pooling around his knees. They tighten around them when he
spreads his legs to balance himself, hooking Jeongguk’s firm thighs around his
waist, but he has more important things to worry about right now.
The head of Taehyung’s cock is being rubbed into Jeongguk’s hole, teasing him
in the most cruel manner. He huffs impatiently, casting a look towards his
hyung.
“Please, just,” he tries to move his hips down onto the bulbous head.
Surprisingly, Taehyung doesn’t hold them down. “Fuck me, Taehyung, just -”
The rest of his gibberish is cut off as Taehyung shoves himself inside of the
other boy, completely bottoming out in one go.
Jeongguk’s mouth goes taut, a mewl coming from it, and his face is caught in
pleasure. His body goes completely static, eyes stuttering behind his eyelids.
“Fuck, hyung,” he moans wantonly. “Forgot how big you were, how good you
stretch me out.”
“Funny,” Taehyung says, almost icily, as he leans down to nip at Jeongguk’s
bottom lip, supporting himself with a bent elbow above the boy’s shoulder. He
pulls out only slightly, pressing himself back in. Jeongguk whines. “Because I
thought Hoseok was the best fuck you’d ever had.”
The small motions are just enough to put Jeongguk into the headspace of need,
but not enough to make him completely fucked stupid - but that was coming.
“N-No,” Jeongguk says smally, knowing exactly what he was getting at.
“No?” Taehyung asks, digging their hips together so that the head of his cock
was pressed directly into Jeongguk’s sweet spot. His walls clench. “Did you
lie, baby?”
Jeongguk’s eyes flutter open, dewy and unfocused, as Taehyung’s fingers come to
press into his cheeks, making their eyes meet. “ Ngh , couldn’t - our friends,
they -” Jeongguk is too out-of-breath to form a complete sentence.
“Oh, you didn’t want our friends to know how well I fuck you? Didn’t want them
to know what a little slut you are for hyung?” He taunts, his grip on his
cheeks tightening. Jeongguk moans at his words. “You know you’re hyung’s, don’t
you, angel? Know you’re all mine.”
There’s a lightness in Jeongguk’s chest now, one not caused by the weed, but
one caused by the implications of his words. This could just be a new form of
dirty talk - he’s not sure - but it’s working.
“They’ll know by the time I get finished with you, babydoll - know who you
belong to.” His mouth is at Jeongguk’s neck now, kissing and licking along the
flesh as he pulls himself nearly all the way out of Jeongguk before slamming
back inside of him. The force of it causes Jeongguk’s body to slide the
smallest bit up the mattress, a breathy squeal coming from his throat.
Jeongguk decides to test what freedom Taehyung has given him, his fingers
finding their way into the older boy’s soft hair as Taehyung really starts to
fuck him, Jeongguk’s body opening up to him easily.
It’s animalistic from that point on, Jeongguk providing endless whines and
pleas, his hands coming down to dig angry scrapes along Taehyung’s back. It’s
so different, being able to touch Taehyung like this without the older boy
pinning him down or restraining him. It’s disorienting, but something he could
get used to. Part of him soars with satisfaction when Taehyung hisses at the
bleeding scratches, knowing it’ll leave marks.
Unsurprisingly, Jeongguk comes undone first, clenching down onto Taehyung like
a vice, covering his stomach and Taehyung’s lower abdomen with semen. He nearly
cums again when he feels Taehyung release inside of him.
They’re quiet a few moments, Taehyung’s mouth lazily moving along the tender
skin of Jeongguk’s neck while they recover their breathing. Then he pulls away
with one last, lingering kiss. The bed shifts as he gets up.
Jeongguk could have easily drifted off, his orgasm wiping him of all energy he
had, but Taehyung has returned now with a warm, wet rag, wiping off the cum
from his stomach and between his legs. Jeongguk makes a pleased sound,
stretching loftily.
He thinks he falls asleep then, but wakes up during the night to Taehyung’s
arms firmly and warmly pressing him to his chest. His head his cradled in the
crook of his collarbone, and he tells himself that it’s the exhaustion that
pulls him so easily back into sleep.
 
Jeongguk wakes up first, rubbing his eyes and stretching. Taehyung has curled
to the side, away from him, so he didn’t have to detangle their limbs. He can
still feel warmth on his waist, aches in his thighs, and he feels sticky.
Slowly, he removes himself from the bed and peels off his shirt, the only
remaining article of clothing from the night before. The sunlight coming in
from his window tells him that it must be mid-morning, so his father’s already
left for work. Because of this, he doesn’t bother to dress himself when walking
down the hallway to his bathroom, a change of clothes in hand.
There’s a lot going through his head, but he isn’t able to ignore it like
usual. He’s consumed by such a want for Taehyung that is makes his chest ache,
makes it feel as though he can’t breathe, and he knows he’s just starting out a
bad cycle for himself. He shouldn’t have allowed things to escalate last night
like they did, but he can’t be mad at himself. Taehyung  was  a good fuck.
Taehyung was a good everything.
Jeongguk sighs, turning the water on hot enough to scald his skin. He thinks if
it would burn off Taehyung’s marks on him - because they’re there, along his
jaw and down his neck - but realizes that’s not what he wants. He turns the
heat down a setting.
Afterwards, he creeps back down the hallway to his room. Taehyung is still
asleep, on his stomach, leaving his broad shoulders and back on display. There
are irritated claw marks down the tan skin, making Jeongguk’s stomach turn. He
isn’t sure if it’s with pleasure or with anxiety. Probably both.
He snatches his phone up from his charger, leaving the door ajar behind him as
he walks through the living room and into the kitchen. His fingers are already
pulling up Hoseok’s contact, dialing.
He waits a few rings, before Hoseok, obviously awaken from slumber, mumbles, “
Hello? ”
“Hyung, hey, sorry, I know it’s early.” Jeongguk’s hand is shaking in front of
him.
“ Jeongguk, what’s wrong? You sound weird .” There’s a rustling noise. “ Do you
need me to come over? I knew it wasn’t a good idea that Taehyung came and saw
you yesterday, but he insisted .”
 “No, no, I’m fine,” he says too quickly, too loudly, then covers his mouth
with his hand, casting a nervous glance towards the direction of his bedroom.
“I just - I - Taehyung - we -” He feels the sudden urge to vomit.
“ Taehyung? ”
“Y-Yeah, he stayed here last night.”
“ Jeongguk ,” Hoseok sounds exasperated, but his voice is still soft. “ What
happened? ”
“Nothing, really,” he says lowly, picking at his sleeve. “We just, uh… We
fucked.”
There’s a silence on the other end of the line. Jeongguk almost thinks that the
call has dropped, but he pulls the device away from his ear to make sure that
they’re still connected.
“ I’m not going to scold you, so stop holding your breath like you did
something wrong ,” Hoseok says, almost teasingly, and Jeongguk smiles, feeling
a bit relieved.  “This is a mess. I don’t know - I just - I think I may have
been wrong with the way I thought Taehyung was, Jeongguk .” He sighs. “ He - He
came to me yesterday after everyone was up and asked how you were doing. Just
the two of us. He wanted to know how you had been since he had left, kept
asking if you were okay. He seemed, I don’t know, he seemed worried .”
Jeongguk doesn’t say anything to this, only looks down at the linoleum tiling
on the floor.
“ He directly asked me if it was okay if he went and saw you, went and spent
the day with you. He asked me if it was okay. ” Hoseok made an annoyed sound. “
Am I a bad person for telling him that it was fine? I must be, because now I’ve
fucked you up again. I thought - You seemed so - I’m so sorry. ”
“No, hyung, no, it was okay,” Jeongguk says quietly. “It’s good that you told
him that. Taehyung and I are supposed to be friends, you know? We needed to
regain some of that. It’s okay.” He rubs the spot between his forehead with his
thumb, trying to soothe away a headache that wasn’t there. “There’s nothing
left to do than to talk about it. You know, I should have done that earlier
instead of running from my problems.”
Hoseok makes a noise of disagreement. “ I don’t think you were ready for it
then .”
“Yeah,” he says, noncommittally. He lets out a slow breath. “I should go,
hyung. Thanks for letting me talk.”
“ ‘Course ,” he replies, and there’s an invisible smile transferred over the
line. It’s reassuring.
“See you,” Jeongguk tells him before lowering the phone from his ear. He looks
down at it, watching the call end and his background flash back up at him. Then
he puts his gaze back towards the direction of his bedroom, taking a steady
breath.
Everything seems to be coming back down on him. He feels like he’s trying to
solve a puzzle with half of the pieces missing, and he knows why. He does only
have one half of the story. Why didn’t he have the nerve to talk to Taehyung
earlier? He could have avoided so much mess, so much hurt and heartbreak for
himself. It would have been much better than the sorry excuse of a clean break
that he had decided upon.
But Hoseok was right. Jeongguk agrees that he doesn’t think he was ready for
it, then. He wasn’t ready to plunge into something like that, something so full
of emotion that it scared him. He wanted Taehyung so desperately that he didn’t
know how to life live without him, how to move on without him here. It’s
different now, though, because he knows he’s capable of living without the
other boy. He’s already hit rock bottom. He knows what it feels like, and
whatever he does now could never cause him to go back to that place. He’s
already built himself back up, and if Taehyung doesn’t want him, so be it.
Or so, he tells himself at least. Because he does want Taehyung. Wants him so
badly, even if he tears himself to pieces again over it, because he’s so worth
it - so utterly, entirely worth it.
He walks back towards the bedroom, the door silently slipping open. Taehyung’s
back is still turned to him, breathing even, but Jeongguk is too wound-up to
sit back on the bed. He takes his seat in front of the desk, making to grab one
of his textbooks and wait until the other boy wakes up.
Before he can properly open it, however, there’s a sleepy groan behind him.
Over his shoulder, Jeongguk can see Taehyung flexing his back, still on his
stomach.
“Mm, don’t wanna pack stuff up today,” he mumbles.
“Oh, yeah, you leave for Seoul today, don’t you?” Jeongguk asks, not sure if
he’s sad or relieved by the idea. “What time is your train?”
“Around two. I’m grabbing some boxes from home while I’m here, need more
clothes.”
Jeongguk laughs, almost thinking that they could fall into something
comfortable. For a while, they do - a comfortable silence in which Jeongguk
isn’t sure if Taehyung had fallen asleep or not.
“I heard you on the phone,” Taehyung says so quietly that Jeongguk jumps.
There were so many ways he could have thought to start the conversation to help
it flow more easily into the main point, but Taehyung has always surprised him.
His mouth is suddenly dry and his thoughts blank. He doesn’t know how to
respond.
“Jeonggukkie, do you know why I called you on Yoongi’s phone the night I got
back?” He asks, his voice still lazy but filled with something Jeongguk can’t
place. “I didn’t think you would answer if you saw it was me. You seemed to
want nothing to do with me, seemed so caught up in your own life - and I am
such a pathetic waste of space for wanting you the way I do, for dragging you
back into this.”
Jeongguk swallows, glad that they’re not facing each other, otherwise he might
have been tearing up by how many emotions were inside of him. “Why didn’t you
say anything that day? Why didn’t you stop me from leaving? You could have just
said something, said  anything .”
“I was scared of hurting you. I always hurt people because I’m selfish. I - I
hurt that girl with Hoseok, God knows why. I didn’t want to hurt her, I swear,
I never did.” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter, though, because I did, and I
saw the way she suffered from it…” He takes a deep breath. “And then I got
selfish again because I wanted you. I tried to blame it on you in the beginning
because you were such a fucking tease, but it wasn’t your fault that I started
to want more than what I was expected. I tried so hard to block you off. I
wanted so much to just  forget  about how beautiful you were.”
“You should have told me,” Jeongguk spits, angry now. “I was fucking  miserable
the whole time you were gone. I wanted nothing more than to drop off the face
of the planet. That’s why I got into my studies so much, so I could stop
thinking about you for  two fucking seconds !”
He takes back what he was thinking earlier. Yes, he wanted Taehyung more than
he could stand, but he’s so angry at him, so enraged by how he’s acting, as
though he was the victim in this.
“You’ve got so much nerve to come back home and treat me this way,” he says.
“I’ve spent my time getting over you. I thought it was over, I really did, but
now you’re coming back with shitty fucking confessions and you think it’ll be
okay? You really think it’ll be okay?” He coughs a laugh. “You know what,
Taehyung? You’re right. You are pathetic.”
The older boy doesn’t say anything in response.
Jeongguk gets up, tossing his book roughly back onto his desk, it making a loud
thud.
“Get the fuck out of my house.”
Taehyung sits up abruptly, turning to look at Jeongguk with pain in his eyes.
“Jeongguk, please -”
“I didn’t fucking stutter, Taehyung.” His voice is icy.
Taehyung hurriedly pulls on his clothes, grabbing up his belongings and walks
towards the door, his bag slung over his shoulder.
Their eyes meet, a collision of feelings meeting in the middle of them: cold
rage spilling from Jeongguk and hot guilt from Taehyung. Even when he would
rather punch himself in the face, Jeongguk still feels the urge to kiss him
stupid.
Taehyung is frozen in place, one hand on the door handle, the other around his
phone.
“What?” Jeongguk spits, knowing that there are tears building in his eyes. He
can already feel the knot in his throat. “What could you possibly have to say
to me?”
“I love you,” he says, and there’s such a harsh sincerity in his proclamation
that Jeongguk  knows  it’s true, but he’s hurt far too long for Taehyung to be
let off the hook like that.
“I don’t care,” he replies, a tear spilling over down his cheek. He covers his
eyes with his hands, backing away from Taehyung’s general direction. “Get out -
Get out! ”
Taehyung isn’t there when he opens his eyes, and Jeongguk is faced with the
terrifying possibility that he’s willing thrown everything he wanted away.
End Notes
     one day i'll let them be happy, i swear.
     tumblr
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!
